Monday, March 13, 2006

Baghdad-Diary \ January, 14th.


I feel bored today because I have nothing to do! I want to go out and meet my friends but I can’t because any place would be unsafe for girls to be alone, and we wouldn’t have fun if there were some elder people from our families with us! I am independent but I can’t practice my independence here. I sometimes see girls walking down the streets by themselves and I get surprised at this. Not because it’s unusual to see a girl going out alone, but it’s because I have missed this scene since the war started. I wish to go out alone but I’m afraid to do so.

I can spend my time reading books or watching T.V., but it would be boring after sometime. I thank God that at least I have a good access to books to read, otherwise I would die! I like novels, so I collect and read them. Last year, an American woman helped me to get some books that couldn’t be found in Iraq and mailed them to me all the way from the U.S.A. to Iraq.

I miss my friends and wish to meet them soon. We used to be six girls when we were at college; we met there when we were at our first grade. We all have the same specialization which is English literature, and we all like this domain so much. We used to go out for lunch when we became in second grade, we had a great friendship and we also used to spend some time in each others houses. It was so fun to do this.

The war took place when we were in second grade. We thought that college would be canceled for that year, but it was resumed in May, that is two months after the war. We had our final exams in July, the hottest month of the year in Iraq. The circumstances under which we had our exams were horrible; we couldn’t even breathe well inside our examination’s halls. Everything was messy and we were not used to the helicopters’ sounds over our heads all the time. It was very frustrating to so many of us. But now if you ask me I say to you that I don’t hear the planes sounds anymore because I got used to them very much that I don’t hear anything anymore!

One of my six friends had to leave the country six months after the war. She went to live in another country with her family. I felt very sad for her leave but I knew that it was for her better because things were not showing any good signs at that time, and it was true as everything started to get worse day after day.

The six girls at college became five. Our friendship grew stronger and we became all in one class after being split in two classes. We kept on our goings out for lunch even though it was dangerous. It was fun to do risky things sometimes! We reached the fourth and last year of college and we were filled with hope that we would graduate and get good jobs. We graduated, and some of us applied for the higher studies and the others started to search for a job in their field of study. The higher studies results came out but none of us were accepted! We were not sad for this because we knew it. My friends kept searching for jobs, and when they didn’t find one in their major, they started to search for other jobs that are not in their domains. Two of them succeeded in finding jobs, but they salary wasn’t good at all. They took the job because they didn’t want to stay at home. They left the job after some months because the region where their workplace located was dangerous. One of those two girls left Baghdad and moved to a City in north of Iraq with her family because they couldn’t stand it here anymore.

The five girls became four! Another one of my friends was searching for a job all summer time, and she was about to get one at the Green Zone but she changed her mind when two translators were killed there, and she preferred to work as a saleswoman with a poor salary. My last friend in the group is still searching for a job till this moment. And me, it’s obvious! I got the scholarship I was dreaming of.



D.C. said...

Dear Morbido,

Thanks to Jeff at IBC, I have been touring the yougn and dynamic Iraqi bloggers. The older guys better watch out!! You girls and guys are a fabulous gang.
I have been wanting to tell you that your photos are truly beautiful.

I am very sorry it is so hard right now for all of you, I can't imagine living in a war, as you are doing bravely. It will pay off, however, and you will have incredible stories to tell your grand kids one day. You will make through these difficult sacrifices a rich and strong Iraq.

I like the way you talk about your girl friends.
Great attitude towards life.
But don't starve yourself, eat your fruits; the world need you alert! ;-)

attawie said...

So.. I’m just the sixth friend who left 6 month after the war.
I felt guilty to leave. And I still do. I used to say the real Palestinians are those who stay in Palestine. But leaving Baghdad… now I just don’t know.

How we used to have fun. I miss those days.

I remember how it was not to walk in the streets. And it was weird for me to walk in the street when I went to Jordan. Even to stay out late when it was dark.
I hate plane-sound till now. M. Shining sent me on my birthday and she still faces difficulties to adjust there.

M. Shining, F. Building, N. Heart…. Do you remember? How silly and funny.

Morbid Smile said...

Hey D.C., and welcome here! I'm glad that you like my photos. I am trying hard to get the best photos and publish them in the blog. Photos can tell much!

Living in a war is the most horrible thing that a person can experience. It kills your dreams and hopes for everything in life, and it does much more than that!

I am eating, though! :P .. There is a say in Arabic about food. It says " Have your breakfast like a King does, your lunch like a minister and your dinner like a poor" ! So it means no dinner! I sometimes forget that there is really something in life called fruites!! I forget to eat fruites, don't know why!!

Attawie, what to say! We still use those silly and funny names! I don't remember how did we start this, but it was wonderful to have our last names interpretted to English! It was only Shabnem that we couldn't find her a name in English!

Don't feel guilty to leave! It's not in your hands. Besides, what could you do if you were here? You could only risk your life, especially when you were living in a far away and dangerous area! I miss those days when we used to have fun at college. Now I feel that all of this is changed, as if we were living another life which now I see it so far away from us. It doesn't seem that it was only three years ago!

Jeff said...

Just a note for when you come the the US.
We call the years in college:
First year: Freshman (plural Freshmen)
Second year: Sophomore
Third year: Junior
Fourth year: Senior

Now so many people go part time or quit school for awhile that the terms relate to how many credits you have.

I started college in 1986 and graduated in 1996.

Of course if they are talking about seniors on the news they usually mean old people and not a senior in college.