Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Good-Bye, Grandpa

It was before two weeks from now when I was having the most difficult and horrible time ever; I was feeling so bored and so depressed cuz of my current monotonous life. Days were all the same for me, I could wake up in the morning and predict what could happen in that day in full details cuz the same things happen every day in my life, that is waking up late, stay alone at home till my sister comes back home from college, have lunch, then have dinner with Dad Mom and Sister at night, get online for some time and then read a book on the "lala" light before I sleep at 3 o'clock midnight... And the same for the next day, and the day after it... It was boring as hell that I finished two books in one week!

On last Sunday, 2 nd of April, I woke up at eight o'clock in order to close the door after my sister when she goes to college. The weather was unusually cold and it was raining so heavily that the falling rain on the ground was making a very loud sound. I went back to bed as it was still early for me to wake up. I suddenly had a feeling that things would be ok for my sick grandfather. I was thinking alot about him during the past week and was visiting him everyday to check upon him. He had Alzheimers during the last three years, and his condition was suddenly worsening in the last week!

It all happened to him right after the war. He saw many dead people in the streets as he was trying to reach to our house or to one of my aunts to see how we were doing as phone lines were not working. He once saw a dead man on the roadside for several days, and no-one knew anything about that man. He also saw a person being robbed and shot to death in front of him down the street. Let alone the war itself and how horrible its days were! He got depression, and time by time he started to lose his memory. My last memories with him when he was in his healthy state were during the war. He came to stay with us for Dad was out in the front. And I remember him all the time listening to the news on the radio and talking with Mom and the situation and how things would work out. He used to calm us down everytime a raid rocked the house, especially my sister who was so scared and cried with every explosion took place in the war. He used to laugh and say to us " Be strong like your Grandpa! Don't be scared, it's a far away rocket. God will protect us".

It was one day after the war when Grandpa visited us in the morning as he used to do for all of his life, and said to Mom, " I'm not feeling well!". It was at that time when he started to be depressed and his health was detoriorating. He started to speak less and less, and he only asked questions about certain things. Ane whenever we visited my grandparents we all used to notice that he barely spoke anything! He was sitting with us but hardly spoke with anybody. He couldn't even sleep at night. Later he was diagnosed with Alzheimres.

Everyone used to call him "The Morning Visitor" cuz he used to visit us all in the morning time. His visits were so fun and his smile were the nicest. When I was few years old I used to call him "Dad" cuz I thought that he was my father! I barely saw my father when I was little cuz he was in the military in the southern part of the country, and it was a wartime with Iran! Dad used to buy me and my sister gifts and stuff and send them all the way from his place to Baghdad where we were living, and somehow I believe that my Grandfather was the one who bought all those stuff for us!!

During the last week before his death, I was scared everytime the phone bell rang; I was afraid that this phone call would be from my grandmother telling us that my grandfather is dying! One afternoon, my uncle's wife called and told us to go to my grandpa as he was getting really sick. I started to be scared of phone calls since that day! I used to go with Mom everyday to visit him. Thankfully, my grandparents moved to a house in my same region and only one street from my house, so it was so easy to go there anytime day or night. One day when we went there, I got to his room with my Mother and saw him sleeping in his bed and my grandmother was sitting on his bedside reciting from Holly Quran and crying. His senses stopped, he hardly opened his eyes or talked. I couldn't look at him cuz I didn't want that image to stuch in my mind. Grandma told him that we were there and asked him if he knew us. She told him, " It's your eldest daughter and eldest grandchild, do you remember them?". I was standing behind Mom and I cried silently. He opened his eyes for one second, smiled and said "Yes, I remember".

I took my baby cousin from his mother and rushed out of the room cuz it was too hard for me to stay there any longer and watch my grandfather in that state. The next day he got worse and couldn't eat or drink anything. My aunts, my grandfather's brothers and sisters and some other relatives used to gather around him everyday untill the last day when he passed away.

On Sunday, 2nd of April came the phone call I was scared of. I woke up at ten o'clock in the morning and saw Mom in my room telling that she decided not to go to her work cuz of the crazy rain outside. I could smell the rain in every corner of the room and the entire house. It was gloomy and cold. After about ten minutes, the phone rang and Mom answered. All what she said on the phone was " What? I'm coming now!". I looked at her and asked what was up, she told me that it was my aunt telling Mom to come over to see my grandfather as soon as possible. He stopped breathing.

I tried to search for an umbrella for Mom in order to go out, but I couldn't find anyone. She finally decided to go out running under the rain. By the time she got there my grandfather was dead. He died peacefully in his bed among his family and loved ones.

I was at home half waken and half asleep. I was thinking of the rain outside and of my grandfatgher. I was also thinking that maybe in the midest of the pain no one might remember to pray for him there, so I said little prayes and wished him Heaven. I didn't know about his death untill two hours had passed.

I can't cry when there are people around me, so for the first time in my life I cound "sob" loudly alone at home. All the memories came rushing to my mind at once, and my greaf even increased. It wasn't rain outside, the sky was crying as well! The most peacefull, loving and passionate man on earth was gone.

The funeral days were the most hectic ones. The first moment I got to my grandparents' house and saw Grandma, she cried loudly and said " Grandpa is gone!"..

May you rest in Heaven near God now for you suffered alot during your 68 years of age.


That's him when he started to get sick..


PJ said...

I'm sorry for you loss.

efuzz20 said...

So sorry...

olivebranch said...

beautiful sad story.

your grandfather is better now. He can not feel the pain of baghdad's street on his many years old body.

He can feel your pain still though- and always will. Try make your life happier, try and preserve the good things about your grandfather in yourself. This is how to move on and how to make your life better.

- p.s I am always here for you if you need to talk to someone, or sob outloud to someone who will listen.. at the end of a phone-line or email.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It will get better over time though. Stay strong, you'll get through it. I lost my grandfather in 2001. He was 68 years old too. It was very shocking and unexpected. I remember the whole week after his death being a huge blur with the funeral, wake, burial..it's really a terrible time. Just remember, your grandfather is in a MUCH MUCH better place now than this hell world we live in..

David said...

Your story of your grandpa's passing is very well told. I can feel your emotions through your words. I am happy for you and your mom that your grandpa was able to say that he remembered you both. I think it was his last gift for you. In America, so many people spend their last hours and days in a hospital surrounded by strangers and cold machines. I am sure that your grandpa was comforted to know that he spent those hours with his loving family. Take care.

Mad Canuck said...

Hey, I'm really sorry to hear about your grandfather. Alzheimers is a really hard way to have someone go too, especially when the person starts to forget who he is and who his loved ones are. I pray that he is in peace now.

Antar said...

May he rest in peace.

Miss. Blue Eyes said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Treasure of Baghdad said...

your post is heart-breaking. i am sorry for your grandfather's loss. May he find rest in heaven...

jarvenpa said...

He was a very handsome man. I am so sorry for your grief, may you obtain comfort, and may his memory live long.

Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Aways remember that your Grandfather will live on forever in your memory. And know that he is up in heaven watching over you.

Take care.

Hajar said...

I'm very sorry for your grief!
Ten years ago my grandfather passed away too. He was also 68 years old. He had Leukemia in his bone marrow...during the last year of his life he had to have two blood transfusions every week. He died at home, surrounded by his ten sons and many grandchildren and other relatives because two weeks before his death he decided he is tired of having transfusions every week, and he was in so much pain that he broke the bones in his hands from wringing them so much. The doctors had also given him much more morphine than they are supposed to give someone, and he was still in unbearable pain.
We loved him very much, he was a very simple and humble man. He was a peace-maker between all people who came to him with their troubles. Alhamdulillah for giving me such a kind grandfather to look up too!

Helen said...

What a caring grandpa!
May he rest in peace.

Morbid Smile said...

Hello friends, and thank you all :)

Life goes on after all, but he's still in my thoughts all the time. I pray every night that I would dream of him, but I haven't had any dream so far...

PJ, Antar, Jarvenpa and Helen, You're welcome to the blog! Hope that you would visit again :)

Olive, You're the friend of the whole world! I know you are there for me and for everyone else in times of need. Thank you so much :).. By the way, your poems are so WOW.