No more waiting, people! After a whole year of idleness, the so great and wonderful scholarship program rewarded me with "UNSUCCESSFUL TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS YEAR'S PORGRAM" . I am so angry that it overcomes my sadness. The light at the end of the tunnel has gone off.
Why the hell did they give me the grant if they didn't paln to work hard to addmit me to a university! I don't feel that I want to apply again next year, but my parents are telling me to do so. Just thinking of how I should go through that all over again makes me sick. I've been rejected by seven universities for reasons I shall never know, and there's no wonder that it might happen again next time. I'm shocked at their inaccuracy and insensitiveness. They kept delaying the process untill I ran out of time, then they came apologizing saying "Sorry, but we won't send out you packets to universities anymore! Time has ended", as if people's destiney means nothing to them!
They tell you "once you get the grant there will be no problem at all", "you'll definetly go to the U.S."... so, and so... Then what? They tell you "Sorry dear, but getting a placement is not garanteed untill the last moment of the process". They should have mentioned this in their website instead of making sure to every desperate grantee that their biggest dream will surely come true!
I have wasted many opportunities for the sake of this one, I've lost a year of my life, a year that will never be made up again. Gosh! Just thinking how I spend the past year locking myself up at home trying to stay safe cuz I thought I'd have the greatest time very soon. How silly of me, and how cruel of them!
And now what's the next step? This I don't know. I have to make plans again, probably find some other "little" dreams and try to work them out instead of my old big dreams that faded the way mirage fades on a dead land.
I have so much rage inside that I can't put on words, so I'd better go before I start swearing and cursing...