Saturday, February 25, 2006

Too Sad to Speak

I've been trying to write this post for the past three days but I didn't know how to start or what to write about exactly. So much is going on and I'm too sad to speak. But when I finally decided to speak out and started to type, the electricity went off! So have to complete this on paper now and copy it to the blog later.

The setting: - My room at midnight. I'm sitting in bed holding my diary book and a pencil to write. The room is dark, and there is no enough light for writing or reading coming from the famous Iraqi "Lala" [lantern]! I turned on the radio to break the silence of the night. I'm listening to Radio Nawa, one of the so many Iraqi radio stations which started broadcasting after the war. The station is playing the song "Foug Al-Nakhal" for Nathum Al-Ghazali, a famous Iraqi old singer.

There is war out there!

In the last three days, I used to wake up every morning to shocking and horrifying news. It all started on Wednesday, and I'm afraid that it won't stop! On Wednesday morning, we all heard the news of the damaged holly Golden Shrine in Samarra. I was shocked and didn’t believe the news until I saw it on T.V. some hours later as there was no electricity in the morning hours. Mom mesmerized before T.V. waiting the news, and I mesmerized at the computer checking the web and newspapers for photos and more details.

I first read in Washington Post that eight Sunni mosques were attacked after spreading the news of the damaged shrine, but the number suddenly rose on T.V. to reach 129 mosques, and them it raised even more! Could this be real?! When someone looks at the situation for the first moments he can think that attacking the mosques is an angry reaction from the Shiites after damaging the Shrine. But the truth is far away from that. It's planned well and played well this time! However, one thing I'm sure of is that the ones who damaged the Shrine are the same ones who attacked the mosques. Terrorists, insurgents or whatever you want to call them who did this terrible thing are trying to bring the country to civil war. Lebanon suffered a terrible civil war for fifteen years, and it seems that Iraq is becoming like Lebanon more and more everyday!

More news started to spread in Baghdad the next day about people taken from their houses in the middle of the night by men in black and shot to death in the streets! Who are those men in black?! I don't know if those news were all true or just some rumors to cause sectarian conflicts between the Iraqis, but some of this is really happening in Iraq. The situation got out of control!

On Thursday morning, I woke up feeling so gloomy after the previous day's bloody events, and I followed my Mother and sister to the garden to have our breakfast. Everything seemed so dark and we couldn't stand it inside home anymore. We tried to start a new day. Mom asked me if I remember Atwar Bahjat, the Iraqi reporter who was reporting from Samarra all time the day before. I said yes I remember her, and that she was teaching one of my cousins at school sometime before the war. I was shocked when Mom told me that she was killed! They found her dead with other two assistants who were with her. She was reporting from Samarra all the time during the previous day, everyone followed her reports. She used to wear a golden necklace with Iraq's map on in, and she used to show it on her all the time. I have a similar one and I wear it all the time as well. She graduated from my same university and college but from a different department. She studied Arabic language and literature. She was so brave and she risked her life to go to the dangerous places to tell the truth to the whole world right from the scene. She is a victim of terrorism, brutality and conflicts in the country. May she rest in peace.

Now as I'm writing this, I hear gunshots out there. Baghdad has become a city of ghosts. But even in the city of ghosts there are some ghosts walking down the streets, while in Baghdad even ghosts are afraid to go out!! It was called The Land of Peace. How ironic is that! Where is the government in all of this? It's nowhere to be seen. It even failed in protecting the dead people in their Shrines!!

I am a true Morbid Smile now! I'm watching my country being destroyed little by little, its holly places are attacked severely, and its people are killing each other. A great civilization of more than 7000 years is going to waste. It's the country that once was!

I started writing this at about 12:30 midnight, and now it’s 2:30. The radio is still on. I kept switching the stations and the gunshots are still in the open air out there in the city of hell. The radio voice cannot swallow the sounds of explosions anymore.

And at the end, I woke up in the morning to screams and cries of my neighbors. Their old sick father died in his bed last night!

Are you still asking why I am a "Morbid" Smile??


Melantrys said...

*repeats what she said on the box*

As for the mosques, well, I haven't been following all the news over here but I don't think they said it were that many.
But people have been killed indeed; today they reported finding several policemen dead.

I hope Iraq will pass quickly through at least this crisis and that no more blood is shed. Yes, wishful thinking, but still....

*hugs again*

Lynnette in Minnesota said...

It's been very tense over in Zeyad's neighborhood. They've got streets blocked and the National Guard is out helping to protect the area. I only hope this passes and cooler heads prevail.

Take care.

attawie said...

I'm just like you wondering if it would ever clam down.

We've been living together as Iraqis for centuries as one people and no one dares to burn or distroy a Shrine. Surely it's "planned and played well this time!"

You asked me about posting,I can't think of anything to write but mad words in disordered stanzas.

Salam wa noor

Anonymous said...

I read about your blog in a German magazine and now I read many of your entries. Thanks a lot for telling us, what's happening in Iraq. Please, take care of yourself. Best wishes from Germany,


Morbid Smile said...

Hello everyone, thanks for your prayers, it really helps to know that people in the rest of the world are standing with the Iraqi people. I pray things will settle down soon, the civil war is a real hell on earth and I pray it will stop!

Melantrys, it is really that many! The names of attacked mosques were published in some Arabic websites, and news channels are talking about this all the time.

Lynnette, I don't know where Zeyad lives actually, but it's been tense in every neighborhood in Iraq now, especially Baghdad. Now I can hear explosions and helicopters flying in the sky as I'm writing this. I heard two huge explosions so far today, but news haven't talked about it yet.

Attawie, what to say! The feeling is much more than what can be wriiten, and tears have dried now! As if we are living in a perpetual nightmare seeing our country destroyed and its people killed. I too have mad words in mind and don't know how to organize them! Take care, girl.

Hello, Andreas, and welcome to the blog :) So you have been reading the entries of Baghdad Diary in the German Magazine? I'm glad that you liked it. I hope to see you here again :)

Original_Jeff said...

I am sorry to read the sadness in your post, Morbid Smile. I hope things get better for you soon.

ac blue eagle said...

Sad! It will end some day. You just have to wonder how many innocent people will have to die before that day comes?
I am sad for all Iraq.

karina said...


My country is in trouble too. Few member of the marines turned against the government. The President has declared "state of emergency". There was a landslide that claimed more than a thousand lives. I'm tired of the news - they make me feel sick and sad.

I just let them pass by prayers. Take care! ;-)

Doubting Thomas said...

I'm sorry you have to live through it, smiley, and all the decent people. Safety and security have been our job for three years and we screwed it up. I apologize but I have zero power to help you.

The men in black you're describing are probably the Mahdi Army. We should have hanged Sadr and his people years ago.

Lynnette in Minnesota said...


My condolences on the land slide. That was horrible. To think of so many people gone in an instant.

I hadn't heard about the problems with the military. I hope things calm down.

Morbid Smile said...

Hi everyone,

Thankfully, I'm still alive and sane in the midest of this chaos! Things got a little bit calmer now, and the curfew stopped during day hours, but there is still a curfew every night starting from 8 P.M. untill 6 in the morning. I consider last night as clam comparing it to the previous nights. I pray things would get better soon.

Jeff, thanks for your prayers. I hope things will get better soon too.

Blue Eagle, long time no see! Many people will have to die before that day comes!! The price is so expensive.

Karina, I heard about the news in your country and the landslide. I was thinking of you and prayed for your safety. News really such these weeks in some parts of the planet! You too stay safe :)

Thomas, the men in black were thought to be Mahdi Army like what you said, but Sadr announced that there are no such men in his army ( i don't know really!). Besides, Mahdi Army started to wear a different uniform in order to be differeniated from those men in black. I was thinking that those might be a casting of a movie coming along with Will Smith to act some scenes in Baghdad ;)

Mad Canuck said...

Hey, sorry I'm late commenting here - I'm relieved to hear you're okay.

Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Hi MS,

Glad to hear you are still O.K. Hang in there.

Lieutenant Fishman said...

today is a better day- at least as far as a civil war goes. Actually the Fadhil brothers at Iraq the Model were reporting that there was LESS violence in reality than being reported. The officials say the attacks have not been happening- but that many of the terrorists are spreading rumors to GET a civil war to start! Stay safe and keep smiling..

PubliusK said...


This post spoke to me as much as any of yours that I have read. It is sad but encouraging in a way, too. Tragedy and trauma bring out many emotions and some beautiful literature can come out of the darkest wars, but I'd throw it all away in order to keep you and yours safe.

Keep letting us know how you are. Keep safe. Keep up what you are doing. I do believe that it does some good.


justdanny said...

Stay strong.