Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Blog Retrieved !

Hello my friends,
I don't know what happened in the blogsphere last night cuz I woke up this morning and saw that my blog was gone!! Nothing was showing in the page except the black bar. So I had to change the template, but my Chatting-Box is gone!!!!

Anyways, the Fulbright asked me to send them a writing sample of any topic of my choice cuz they say that it will help my placement officer. So I wrote this and want to ask about your opinion before I send it. I'm not totally convinced in it so I'll wait for sometimes and ask about opinions before I send it to the Fulbright office!

Man and Society

No man can live or survive alone in the world. A human being needs to live in communities in order to survive and fulfill his needs and goals. The social life consists of different societies, and people who live in those societies give the shape and character of a certain society. In life, a person gets to meet many people different from him and from each others. They are different because every human being has his own character, way of thinking and point of view about every aspect in life, and those views differ from one person to another. Those people help each other and fulfill the spiritual, physical and emotional need of one another. That’s why no one can live alone.

The happiness of an individual lies in his existence among special people like family, friends and loved ones. So, a person’s own society starts with those people. Life is a journey in which we do different tasks and assignments, meet many people, know many things and get through many periods of easiness and difficulty. In most of the times, a person may die without accomplishing all his dreams and goals, and without seeing every phase of life.

Family, friends, faith and love are essential majors or pillars in life. We can get through many difficulties and make our dreams come true with the help of family and friends. We can make the world a better place when we spread the love in our hearts to the whole world starting with the closest people to us. And above all, faith in God can get a person through many hard times, and it gives a person a mighty strength and peace of mind that can help build a perfect community.

A person can be creative when he lives among people. Isolation and loneliness are destructive means which destroy the human beings’ lives and wills, and prevent them from enjoying life. Loneliness causes misery and depression to people because people can’t go on with their lives if they are lonely.

People need to live in large communities and interact with each other to live and accomplish their missions in life. That’s why no one can live alone.



Do you think that I should add more?? Help !!

8 comments:

jason said...

hey there, miss. the mini essay is pretty good so far, but it almost seems too general. i think it could be improved with more personal examples of your hypothesis that man/woman needs the companionship of society to survive. think of it as a satellite image of a city, in your essay you are covering the "city" as a whole, but the essay would be more effective if the "satellite" would zoom in on the "city" and give more micro details/examples and then to finish up you could "zoom" out to revisit your overall hypothesis.

you could probably just send this in and it would be fine, but if you want to give it more depth and substance, include more "spice" to the soup.

hope i'm not being too confusing. i'll be online all day. email me if you have any questions.

Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Hi Haneen,

It's a good essay. I don't know how nitpicky you would like me to be, but I have a couple of comments.

In the first paragraph you may want to drop the "That's why no man can live alone" line, as you say that in the last paragraph. The last paragraph seems a better place for it.

In the second paragraph the line "In most of the times, a person may die.." seems so pessimistic compared with your third paragraph. Is that how you really feel? Or what you wanted to say?

The third paragraph on "Family, friends, faith and love" is really strong. I like it alot.

I don't want to tell you exactly what to write, as it should be your thoughts. But anyway, that's my 2 cents.

hummbumm said...

Not to be harsh but you are repeating the " man is no island" throughout the whole essay. Building on what Jason saidI think you need to go beyond that and talk about the link between the individual and society, and the obligations that said individual has towards the greater society as well as vice versa, be it on a relationship level, or legal etc... I would also tie it to more personal experiences, how you fit in your society? how do you benefit? what do you bring? It does not have to be some political science thing, could well be on an intrafamilial thing, for example relations between generations, or through extended family etc... or local community, or school...
the way it is right now, could be summed up in one sentence.

Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Haneen,

Your blog is back to it's usual self! (except for the little chat thingy on the side)

I wouldn't worry too much about this writing assignment. I don't think they are looking for a complete thesis. You want to write as you would and not how we would. Because they want to know YOU not us.

Hummbumm,

I think the correct quote is "No man is an island".

Lisa, New York said...

Haneen,

I think the essay is very good. While I agree with Jason and others that it would be even better and more interesting if you could fill it in with more specifics, I don't know if that's really important. It seems to me they just want to assess your ability to write English and this essay demonstrates your ability very well.

Did they give you a specific topic or just ask you to write whatever you wanted to? I think Jason's concerns would apply more if this were an assigned essay on a particular topic and if it was for a specific college class (History, Literature...) But if it is only meant as a placement tool to assess your knowledge of English, I think it's fine and you probably don't need to worry too much about it. But, if you wanted to, you could apply some of the advice from Jason and others and make it even better.

:-)

Anonymous said...

one small thing... "A human being needs to live in communities in order to survive and fulfill his needs and goals. "

change that to : A human being needs to live in communities in order to survive and fulfill his or her needs and goals.

programmer craig said...

Well, on a non-technical note, I would only suggest you put more of your own persoanilty in your essays. That's what makes your blog posts so warm and friendly. Go with your strengths :)

Glad to see your blog is back to normal! Yours and Sunshine's both went haywire at about the same time, I was worried there was some Iraqi blogger virus going around or something!

olivebranch said...

Haneen my dear, craig is correct. Use your own life, your own loves and your own experiences in everything you write- it will serve you well.

There is a time for independance and to stand alone against all others aswell, a time for you to be different and there are times when the people most distant from you- people you do not know or understand, can be of great worth.

Sometimes those close to you are emotionally involved in your own situations aswell, and it can be friends like you & I who help each other along the way.

People who know nothing about each other, except what we read.

Use your own personal examples. Use your uniqueness, what is it that has made you who you are. Brought you to this point in life.

What is it that will decide which choices to make in the future?