A seemingly happy family lives near my home was devastated a few days ago as a result of ignorance and alcohol. The father, A. who was the driver who used to drive me and my sister to college everyday for the last year, made a terrible mistake that lead to the end of his own family.
He was a drunkard man and we doubted if he had any education. He's got the most adorable the cutest two little daughters, his wife was very nice and lovely woman but he didn't know how to keep that treasure for good!
He was good with his two little daughters, but wasn't good with his wife all the time and he didn't treat her well. And many people in the neighborhood complained of his crazy actions and behaviors as he used to have some fights with the neighbors every now and then cuz of the generator one time and the kids the other time… One night he was drunk and the neighbor's generator disturbed him so he went out to his neighbors and started to shout and break the neighbor's windows and car! That was one famous accident which we heard right from him.
Like in every family, they had some problem. But this family's problems were worse. The parents were quarrelling most of the time that he used to beat her, threaten to divorce her and even kicked her out of the house with his two little girls one time. The fights happened when he was drunk; the next morning neighbors would try to make it up between them again. He even once decided to leave his wife and get married to a woman living in the same street, but luckily the woman refused cuz she knew his family and didn't want to be a reason of the the family's destruction. Though the father's continuous state of drunkard was the real destruction.
We used to know many things and details about what was going on with his family. He used to talk with mom and dad and tell them about his fights with his wife, and my parents were giving his advices all the time. He's got the most adorable and the cutest daughters and they were spending long times with me and my sister though we were way older than them.
Time passed and he was not our driver anymore, and we stopped seeing him in the neighborhood. A few days ago Mom and I passed by his house and we noticed that all the lights were off and the door was locked. We wondered why we no longer see him or his kids around. Then my Mom suggested that maybe things got worse between him and his wife and that maybe she couldn't take it anymore and asked for a divorce…
The news came rushing in my side of the neighborhood yesterday; it turned out that he divorced his wife several months ago and then he got married after three months. He went to his ex-wife's parents' house where she was with her two daughters in order to see them. But his ex's family never let him see the girls when he was angry or drunk. Until one day he got fed up with the situation, he took out his rifle and headed back to the parents' house. Angry and intoxicated, he shot the grandmother (ex-wife's mother) and killed her, killed his ex-wife and shot her brother!! But it didn't end this way. He went out of the house rushing back home, it's said that he fought with some of the neighbors there who were trying to stop him and some got injured. He drove his car along the highway with a crazy speed and it happened that there was a police checkpoint that started shooting at the car when he didn't stop and got him badly injured. The police, thinking that he was suicide-bomber, arrested him immediately and took him to hospital. A few hours later, some people recognized his car on the highway and called for his brother. After knowing the whole story, the police officers refused to give him back to his family. It's even suspected that he died.
Since we heard the news, Mom and I were thinking of his daughters all the time. Did they saw their father killing their Mom and Grandmother? Are they ever going to love him or forgive him one day? I feel very sad for the devastated family, and I feel even worse just to think of what is going to happen to the girl, who is going to take care of them. He could be a good man with a kind heart, but ignorance took a big deal of him that left him blinded with anger and irrationalism.
If he wasn't an ignorant man he would have realized that alcohol was destroying his family and destroying the human being within him. He could have done something to restore the peace inside his house to raise a wonderful family in a healthy environment, but he didn't know the gift he was given and he wasted it all that, and wasted his life.
I once posted a photo for one of his daughters who used to spend a lot of time in our house.
Morbido.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Monday, June 05, 2006
Hallucinations of Early Summer
Well, since now it's 666 which might be the end of the world, let me say little wishes before I vanquish! Is anybody going to watch The Omen tomorrow??
I wish if Tru Calling was real and existed in Iraq; she would have saved the lives of thousands of people who die everyday.
I wish if the Charmed sisters were real; they would have stopped the demons \ terrorists who kill innocents everyday.
I wish if the invisibility cloak was real; I could have moved freely in places without the fear of car bombs and explosions.
I wish I had wings and I could fly; I would escape the traffic jams. But I would end up like Icarus even if I don't fly too high cuz the heat of the sun in Iraq would melt the wax off my wings no matter what.
I wish if wishes would come true; the world would be a better place.
I wish if I know what the hell I'm talking about!!! I think I'm watching too much TV and reading too much fiction lately! Oh, did I mention that I'm reading The Da Vinci Code now? ..
The electricity has been off for about five days in my neighborhood. Half the region has electricity and the other half has not. I'm in the unlucky half. Some people said that the cable of this "half" was stolen or damaged... I don't know how can it be stolen, but I'm not surprised to hear such thing as everything is possible here! One day you might wake up in the morning and see the bricks of your house are gone! Anyway, the cable was fixed short time ago but the electricity is too low to turn on the air conditioning.
It's obvious that I'm hallucinating here. It's either Summer started to show its effects on me, or it's really the end of the world!!
I wish if Tru Calling was real and existed in Iraq; she would have saved the lives of thousands of people who die everyday.
I wish if the Charmed sisters were real; they would have stopped the demons \ terrorists who kill innocents everyday.
I wish if the invisibility cloak was real; I could have moved freely in places without the fear of car bombs and explosions.
I wish I had wings and I could fly; I would escape the traffic jams. But I would end up like Icarus even if I don't fly too high cuz the heat of the sun in Iraq would melt the wax off my wings no matter what.
I wish if wishes would come true; the world would be a better place.
I wish if I know what the hell I'm talking about!!! I think I'm watching too much TV and reading too much fiction lately! Oh, did I mention that I'm reading The Da Vinci Code now? ..
The electricity has been off for about five days in my neighborhood. Half the region has electricity and the other half has not. I'm in the unlucky half. Some people said that the cable of this "half" was stolen or damaged... I don't know how can it be stolen, but I'm not surprised to hear such thing as everything is possible here! One day you might wake up in the morning and see the bricks of your house are gone! Anyway, the cable was fixed short time ago but the electricity is too low to turn on the air conditioning.
It's obvious that I'm hallucinating here. It's either Summer started to show its effects on me, or it's really the end of the world!!
Monday, May 29, 2006
Get Me Out
So, here I am, in the same timeless, most boring and most dangerous place in the world. I've been away because I have nothing to say or write about! The same days are repeating themselves, and the same monotonous things are happening everyday.
I'm hopless,
Helpless,
Angry,
Currently unhappy,
Simply, I feel like a hell burning inside of me.
I want to get out of here as soon as possible, yet the time seems endless for me! There are many different signs everyday telling me and my family to get out this country that once was.
For the first time since the war started, a motor-cycle exploded in the middle of the local market of my neighborhood. It killed 22 people, most of them were kids, and that just made me raged and hopeless. The explosion took place at about 9 P.M., so many people were there, mostly kids. It's true that it's a night time when everyone should be lockep up at home cuz of the night curfew, but shops would close at about 11 o'clock every night in my small region, so people would still be going out at night.
Thankfully, we were all at home that day. I begged Mom to go out and buy some stuff from the market but she kept telling me to postpon it to the next day. If we were there at that time, I would be writing this from Heaven by now. Or from Hell maybe!
We knew most of the people who died. One of them was a girl preparing for her wedding day which happened to be the next day! Three little brothers were inside a car waiting for the parent. One of them had his brain popped out of his head and died immedeatly, the two others lived but with a traumatic disease now. And many more...
The streets were closed, funerals were held in ever corner of the neighborhood, and people were all in black attending the funerals. Candles were lit in the explosion's place on the third day. I went there to see it; it was so sad. Seeing the place where I grew up in this state and knowing that people died their is heart breaking. The faces I've seen almost everyday since I was a little kid... They're no more.
I am out of thoughts and ideas. I've been trying to think of one good topic to write about but my head seems emptier than what I thought! I lost my Muse. All I can think of now is to "get out".
I'm hopless,
Helpless,
Angry,
Currently unhappy,
Simply, I feel like a hell burning inside of me.
I want to get out of here as soon as possible, yet the time seems endless for me! There are many different signs everyday telling me and my family to get out this country that once was.
For the first time since the war started, a motor-cycle exploded in the middle of the local market of my neighborhood. It killed 22 people, most of them were kids, and that just made me raged and hopeless. The explosion took place at about 9 P.M., so many people were there, mostly kids. It's true that it's a night time when everyone should be lockep up at home cuz of the night curfew, but shops would close at about 11 o'clock every night in my small region, so people would still be going out at night.
Thankfully, we were all at home that day. I begged Mom to go out and buy some stuff from the market but she kept telling me to postpon it to the next day. If we were there at that time, I would be writing this from Heaven by now. Or from Hell maybe!
We knew most of the people who died. One of them was a girl preparing for her wedding day which happened to be the next day! Three little brothers were inside a car waiting for the parent. One of them had his brain popped out of his head and died immedeatly, the two others lived but with a traumatic disease now. And many more...
The streets were closed, funerals were held in ever corner of the neighborhood, and people were all in black attending the funerals. Candles were lit in the explosion's place on the third day. I went there to see it; it was so sad. Seeing the place where I grew up in this state and knowing that people died their is heart breaking. The faces I've seen almost everyday since I was a little kid... They're no more.
I am out of thoughts and ideas. I've been trying to think of one good topic to write about but my head seems emptier than what I thought! I lost my Muse. All I can think of now is to "get out".
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Forcast From Baghdad
On yesterday afternnon, a sudden and very quick sandstorm hit Baghdad. Everyone around the house was running trying to close all the windows and doors to prevent sand from getting inside the house! I tried to go out and take some photos to post them here but I couldn't go out cuz the sand was so thick and I couldn't breathe. Besides, I once heard that we should not use cameras in sandy weather cuz the sand would damage the lense... or something like that.
Anyway, this morning as I was checking the emails, I found a link with two photos for the same place in Baghdad taken before and during the storm. So I thought of posting them here.
Have a look at Baghdad's weather!
Anyway, this morning as I was checking the emails, I found a link with two photos for the same place in Baghdad taken before and during the storm. So I thought of posting them here.
Have a look at Baghdad's weather!
It's a good setting for a scary movie, I guess!!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
The Devil, Bottle of Sause and Me!
NOTE: This post should have been published before the previous one, but there were problems with uploading the photos.
So i guess it's been more that a week since I last showed any life sign! I've been busy and kinda lazy. Busy going to college for some fun, busy shopping a laptop, digital camera, webcam, bluetooth and a flash disk! (it costed a fourtune!).. and I was also resting my eyes from PC and reading for a while.
Lazy for no reason :P
This is the first post I write from my new DELL laptop ;) oh by the way, the headache is gone at last. I figured out two reason which caused me that headache, but there another important one which I haven't noticed before; it was lack of water!! Yes, I forget to drink water. I'd be good if I could drink more than one glass of water aday!!
Well, I wasn't really sitting idle all the time, in fact I was coloring some pages. Remember those coloring pages we used to color when we were kids? I was doing exactly the same! And everyone at home was laughing at me... i was obsessed with drawing and coloring when i was a little kid, I had my papers, crayons and magic colors with me all the time wherever I went. So I thought of posting new ones here cuz I couldn't find the old ones I used to color. Moving from place to place with my family was a reason that I couldn't keep everything I had.
Some kids believed in crazy yet funny superstitions, and I was one of those kids who believed that the Devil was stealing my stuff!!! I remember one day when I was seven or eight years old, I was in the room with my sister and two of our relatives playing and having fun. One of the two relatives had her Barbie doll with her, and suddenly one of Barbie's shoes got lost somewhere in the room. We started to search on the floor but we couldn't find anything. Then I suddenly got this crazy idea and told them that the Devil stole the shoe! But how can we restore it now? The only idea I had in mind was to punish the devil and let him return the shoe back to us. So we started to jump and beat the floor as hard as we could thinking that the devil was hiding under the floor! And after sometime while we were still beating the ground, we saw Barbie's shoe in the other corner of the room. For me, that was an evidence that devil really took the shoe, we were playing in one corner of the room when the shoe was lost, and we found it in the other corner after we punished the devil for stealing the shoe from us!!!
I also believed that there were some evil souls in our house! I even swore that I saw one in some time at night! One day I was sleeping and I suddenly felt that a hand was tapping on my pillow, I raised my head and looked but there was no hand and no-one else in the room. I was sure that it was one of those evil souls playing jokes with me, and I was scared till death that I couldn't even move and go to Mom! I liked to watch horror movies, and yet after the movie was finished I used to regret watching it cuz it made me scared! I still like watching this kind of movies but I don't regret watching it anymore ;)
Like all the girls in the world, i liked Baribe so much and I had about ten dolls, or maybe more. My sister and I used to make small houses under the bed for them, and we used to give them names, plan for a scene and start playing. Kain was named Marc most of the time!
..............
well, i took a break from typing for some time and decided to watch a movie. Dad got me two DVD's today; one was Chronicles of Narnia, and the other is War of the Worlds. I just finished watching the first one, it's so awesome! I will probably go watch the other movie after i finish typing this.
Talking about movies, there used to be a lot of cartoon movies I liked to watch when I was a little kid. I remember this Russian cartoon called The Wild Swans. The characters were Russains but they were speaking Arabic. The story of the movie goes around eleven brothers living with their one beautiful sister and their father, the king. Their stepmother happened to be a witch and she turned the brothers to wild swans one night, and then turned the sister to an ugly girl. They all wandered in the woods to search for some magical cure to undo the spell of the witch. And sure, peace prevails at the end!
We had this cartoon on tape and my sister and I used to watch it all the time. We even learned most of the dialogue by heart! Other favourite cartoons were Tom And Jerry which I still watch till now J, Morocco, a Chinease cartoon about a little crazy and funny girl. Well I was watching this one when I was at college. And like all the Iraqi kids, I liked Grendizer!
I have a bad habbit of smelling things before I use them!! Well I don't know if I should call it a bad or weird habbit. When I was at college, I found out that one of my friends, F., used to smell things as well, especially food! Whenever we were at the college's cafeteria and wanted to eat something, I was asking her please not to smell the food! At least no in front of all the students. And she was laughing at me saying that I do the same.
For instance, I was just smelling the CD before I put it back in its cover. Well, it has a smell! And it reminded me of the times when my sister, uncle and I used to stay all night playing some playstation games. We didn't have a Playstation at home, so we used to hire one from the vedio games shop in the neighborhood every weekend, and we used to start playing from 10 P.M. till 10 o'clock the next morning! We first were getting pale as the time elapsed, then at the end of the time we all turned green! That wasn't a very long time ago, it happened when I was at high school. I never showed any interest in computers and plastations before that time. I never liked these things! But now sure I do!
While I was having dinner with my family a few days ago, dad asked me to pass the ketchap and sause to him. Then I rememberd that I haven't tried sause with my food for a very long time. When I was a kid I preferred sause to ketchap and mustard, but now I prefer the opposite. The reason for that is because the taste of sause reminds me of the long sanction we had during the 90's! It was hard to find the good products so we had to buy a not very good sause which was made in Iraq. The test wasn't good at all, but we didn't have another choice. My sister and I used to have it with almost all kinds of food.
Back to the night when I was having dinner, I decided to try the sause and asked Dad to pass the bottle for me. as soon as I tried it I laughed and said "sanction taste!"
For the first time, this post took me more than a week to write, and God knows how many days left to publish it! I'm still having problems getting online, so as usual, i'm typing this offline.
Go ahead, laugh at Morbido!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Sleeping in The Rain
5-5-2006 Thursday
Summer has begun in Baghdad, and all the troubles began with it! Yesterday was one of those bad days for me, everything was bad especially the weather. At 2 P.M. we were waiting for the neighborhood's generator to be on like everyday on this time. But a few minutes after switching it on, it suddenly got off. Everyone in our streets went out asking what had happened, and they all started to swear and insult the man who is responsible for switching it on and off!! The weather was hot, sandy and humid yet we all were having our after-lunch hot and dark tea.
At afternoon dad decided to go check for the generator and ask the man incharge whether he was going to turn it on at night or not. We had to do some preparations in case there would be no electricity at night. And the news came: gasoline had fallen on the engine while it was on and burned the generator!!!!
Hot weather, sandstorm, humidity, lots of bugs in the air with only four hours aday of electricity and no water! How cool and comfortable is it to sleep in such conditions! Well, it didn't end this way. At night my family decided that we should sleep on the roof. We were thinking of the flying gunshots at night but we had no other choice. At 12:30 my parents, my sister and i went up to the roof and settled ourselves to sleep. The weather was still very humid and there were some clouds in the sky.. and some lightening.
I took my new laptop with me up to the roof in order to try the wireless connection. After less than five minutes it rained heavily on us!! We all started to run and laugh trying to get our stuff inside the house. The gasoline was already finished in the small house's generator, so we had to convince ourselves to sleep in the living room with no fan, no airconditioner and no nothing. Well, i've spent countless nights like this, so it doesn't seem that bad to me. the rain kept falling so heavily for some time, and then a sandstorm started right afte the rain. I don't know how can there be rain and sandstorm in one place at the same time! But it's been this way since spring statred, and for the first time it's still raining here in May! Everything has changed in this country, even the weather. Sandstorms in spring, and rains in summer. Won't there be any snow??!! I watched Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, but i couldn't finish it cuz the batteries charge was over. I finished it this afternoon.
I woke up this morning feeling that as if i had fallen from a very high building. All my bones are aching, even my nose's bones!!
Two months are left for me here, and i sure don't want to spend it this way. I want to sleep in my room during this final time, but it seems that i have to abandon it as i do every summer!
I hate it this way. When is it going to end!!
..............................................................................................
From the Roof of an Iraqi House!
6-5-2006 Friday night
This is the first post I write from the roof of my house. It's unusual to do such thing, but i decided that everything can be possible in iraq! There is a wireless LAN in the laptop but i'm not getting any signal. So now i'm just typing this and listening to the sounds around me and some songs for Abdul Haleem Hafith.
This is our second night without electricity. The national electricity comes for one hour every six or eight hours, and we ran out of gasoline now, so we decided to go up on the roof and sleep there. The weather tonight is better than last night. The sky is clear and i can see the stars. There is a slight gentle wind that brings all the smells of the burning gasoline from the generators around the neighborhood. There are some fierce bombings in a near by region. It's probably in Adhamiya, but i'm not sure of this of course. I can only hear the explosions and gunshots.
I've been trying to get online fot the past couple of days but all my efforts went in vain! There is something crazy happenes to the internet server everytime i try to get online. I'm started to get to my wits' end.
..................................
i woke up before 8 o'clock in the morning. Bugs were eating me all night long, and now flies are everyehere. The bombings continued till the morning.
Sleepy Morbido!
Summer has begun in Baghdad, and all the troubles began with it! Yesterday was one of those bad days for me, everything was bad especially the weather. At 2 P.M. we were waiting for the neighborhood's generator to be on like everyday on this time. But a few minutes after switching it on, it suddenly got off. Everyone in our streets went out asking what had happened, and they all started to swear and insult the man who is responsible for switching it on and off!! The weather was hot, sandy and humid yet we all were having our after-lunch hot and dark tea.
At afternoon dad decided to go check for the generator and ask the man incharge whether he was going to turn it on at night or not. We had to do some preparations in case there would be no electricity at night. And the news came: gasoline had fallen on the engine while it was on and burned the generator!!!!
Hot weather, sandstorm, humidity, lots of bugs in the air with only four hours aday of electricity and no water! How cool and comfortable is it to sleep in such conditions! Well, it didn't end this way. At night my family decided that we should sleep on the roof. We were thinking of the flying gunshots at night but we had no other choice. At 12:30 my parents, my sister and i went up to the roof and settled ourselves to sleep. The weather was still very humid and there were some clouds in the sky.. and some lightening.
I took my new laptop with me up to the roof in order to try the wireless connection. After less than five minutes it rained heavily on us!! We all started to run and laugh trying to get our stuff inside the house. The gasoline was already finished in the small house's generator, so we had to convince ourselves to sleep in the living room with no fan, no airconditioner and no nothing. Well, i've spent countless nights like this, so it doesn't seem that bad to me. the rain kept falling so heavily for some time, and then a sandstorm started right afte the rain. I don't know how can there be rain and sandstorm in one place at the same time! But it's been this way since spring statred, and for the first time it's still raining here in May! Everything has changed in this country, even the weather. Sandstorms in spring, and rains in summer. Won't there be any snow??!! I watched Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, but i couldn't finish it cuz the batteries charge was over. I finished it this afternoon.
I woke up this morning feeling that as if i had fallen from a very high building. All my bones are aching, even my nose's bones!!
Two months are left for me here, and i sure don't want to spend it this way. I want to sleep in my room during this final time, but it seems that i have to abandon it as i do every summer!
I hate it this way. When is it going to end!!
..............................................................................................
From the Roof of an Iraqi House!
6-5-2006 Friday night
This is the first post I write from the roof of my house. It's unusual to do such thing, but i decided that everything can be possible in iraq! There is a wireless LAN in the laptop but i'm not getting any signal. So now i'm just typing this and listening to the sounds around me and some songs for Abdul Haleem Hafith.
This is our second night without electricity. The national electricity comes for one hour every six or eight hours, and we ran out of gasoline now, so we decided to go up on the roof and sleep there. The weather tonight is better than last night. The sky is clear and i can see the stars. There is a slight gentle wind that brings all the smells of the burning gasoline from the generators around the neighborhood. There are some fierce bombings in a near by region. It's probably in Adhamiya, but i'm not sure of this of course. I can only hear the explosions and gunshots.
I've been trying to get online fot the past couple of days but all my efforts went in vain! There is something crazy happenes to the internet server everytime i try to get online. I'm started to get to my wits' end.
..................................
i woke up before 8 o'clock in the morning. Bugs were eating me all night long, and now flies are everyehere. The bombings continued till the morning.
Sleepy Morbido!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
So....
Alright! It's too late for a long post now, and I can't see clearly!!! YES, I think I'm getting blind here..
So, I have two posts but I don't know which one to publish first, and both are unfinished yet. One is a personal account o the war days. I know it's late for this, but I didn't have time to post it then. The other one is a childish post; accounts on my funny childhood and some superstitions.. What do you suggest me to post first??
The thing is that I'm having this terrible headache that refuses to go for a week now! It's on the left side of my brain, and sometime on the back of my head. Any doctors here??! I think I need an eye-check cuz I just realized a few hours ago that my eyesight is kinda blur! I'm sure that the first question the doctor will ask me is that if I spend so much time using the computer and if I read in a dull light!! What am I going to answer in this way? I do these two things most of the time, and I can't live my day without a computer and book ...ummm, and a flashlight for reading! :P
Good news: I finished my visa application!! And I'll leave on July. Filling the application form was a crazy thing to do, it went through hell of things. First thing was that I had to fill it online! It couldn't be downloaded or printed on paper. Then after completing the application form, I had to print it out, sign it and past my 5x5 photo, then scan it and finally send it. There were four forms, and it took me six hours to do all of this! During that, the electricity went off twice, so imagine that I had to re-do the work all over again!!
I'm wondering why I wrote this!
Good night!
So, I have two posts but I don't know which one to publish first, and both are unfinished yet. One is a personal account o the war days. I know it's late for this, but I didn't have time to post it then. The other one is a childish post; accounts on my funny childhood and some superstitions.. What do you suggest me to post first??
The thing is that I'm having this terrible headache that refuses to go for a week now! It's on the left side of my brain, and sometime on the back of my head. Any doctors here??! I think I need an eye-check cuz I just realized a few hours ago that my eyesight is kinda blur! I'm sure that the first question the doctor will ask me is that if I spend so much time using the computer and if I read in a dull light!! What am I going to answer in this way? I do these two things most of the time, and I can't live my day without a computer and book ...ummm, and a flashlight for reading! :P
Good news: I finished my visa application!! And I'll leave on July. Filling the application form was a crazy thing to do, it went through hell of things. First thing was that I had to fill it online! It couldn't be downloaded or printed on paper. Then after completing the application form, I had to print it out, sign it and past my 5x5 photo, then scan it and finally send it. There were four forms, and it took me six hours to do all of this! During that, the electricity went off twice, so imagine that I had to re-do the work all over again!!
I'm wondering why I wrote this!
Good night!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
From My Mobile's Photo Library...
Hello!
I noticed that I haven't been writing anything in my blog for a while now… many things in mind, and many reasons not to write. This blog celebrated its first birthday on April, 8th. I was planning for a post about this day and how I thought of blogging then decided to have one of my own and.. bla bla bla… but I was busy in my late Grandfather's funeral and after the funeral period.
In one year of non-stop blogging, I wrote 103 posts, and started two other blogs; one was Photos From Iraq, a photo-blog, and the other one which I made not too long ago is Baghdad Poet, it's for my father's writings. He writes poetry, essays, literary and political articles and so on. He publishes them under his real name in some websites and local newspapers, and I thought of collecting them all in one place for him, so I made this blog. Sorry guys, it's in Arabic.
Since I've got nothing to do lately (I mean really NOTHING to do!) I thought of reading more than one book at the same time. I finished Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul long ago, and I read a novel by Elinor Lipman called The Pursuit of Alice Thrift. I was reading it night and day so I could finish it in one week, probably less than one week. I am a very slow reader but I turned to become a VERY fast reader lately! Boredom does a lot of things, I guess! So, after this one book, I started with The Grapes of Wrath. I read the first four chapters in two nights. My grandfather died and I left the book. It's still on the table beside my bed, I looked at it few nights ago and thought of going back to read it when I remembered another novel I noticed on my bookshelf short time ago. Before, when I wanted to read a novel or a book I used to ask Dad to get me any book, or to go with him and choose some. There was no specific book in my mind, so I used to end up buying some New York Times Best Sellers fictions which I haven't heard about before.
I was looking in the bookshelf last week to check the books and decide on which one to read next, when I saw a book which reminded me of a movie. I read the title "Derailed" and I remembered that one of my friend (nickname: Shabnem) once told me that she watched that movie of Jennifer Aniston called "Derailed". I asked about its details to see if it's worth watching or not. I read the back cover of the book and saw that it's the same movie. "Ok. I'll READ the movie this time". So I started reading. I finished the first ten chapters in one sit at midnight from 2 A.M. till 4 A.M. in the morning! And how was I reading? On bed with no lights cuz there was no electricity. I had to options for light; either an oil-lantern or a mini torch light which works on batteries. I took the second options cuz at least I could put it on the bed or holding it near the book while reading. I don't deny that I had a sever headache after that!
Baghdad Sun:
On March, 29th we witnessed the solar eclipse in some parts of the world. It was a partial one in Iraq. On that day I forgot all about it, and then I suddenly heard the mosques in my neighborhood calling for something. It wasn't prayers calling. I thought something wrong was happening. I tried to concentrate on what the man was saying from the mosque but I couldn't hear anything as it was far away. I decided to go out in the garden in order to hear well when I realized that it was getting cloudy. I was saying to myself that the weather is so nice today and the clouds are unusual. I looked up to the sky, there were no clouds, and there was half sun! I rushed inside the house and called my sister to come out and see, and I brought something dark to look through at the sun. It was obvious and so nice. I brought that camera and took photos, but it didn't show. You can notice that the sun rays are not very strong ones though.
Non-stop Roaring!
Whenever and wherever you go in Iraq, you can't help hearing loud and crazy roaring sounds which are one of the massive pollution causes in the country. I hated going out cuz of this crazy sound that I hear everywhere in Baghdad night and day!
Two days ago I went out with Mom to buy some stuff from the local supermarket for home and to visit my grandmother. While walking among the shops in my region, Mom and I had to talked very loudly so that we can hear each other whenever we passed by the causer of this roaring. The sound is there all the time, but sometimes we don't hear it cuz we got used to it so well! Last night I couldn't sleep and I didn't know what to do to. I thought of counting sheep but I ain't a child no more! But then I thought of counting sounds!! I listened to the silence and started to search for voices out there. The first sound I heard was of the cockroach of course. This one never stops as usual, and it gets louder at night, or I thought so cuz no other voices accompany it in this time of the night. Other voices? My mind! I heard myself talking and my brain functioning. I wished if there was a bottom to turn it off and sleep! I was thinking of the main character in "Derailed", thinking of how the electricity went off while I was voice chatting with Attawie and showing her the graduation photo and she showing me her paintings on the deadly slow webcams. And there it was the roaring sound again! I heard it from afar. It was there of course as there were no electricity, and it will get louder and louder when summer comes. It's the sound of the big local generators of the neighborhood…
I live in a relatively small area, and I found it yesterday that there are more than ten big generators in it! How about the big regions? How many generators are there…And how is the sound over there!!
This is the roaring sound of the local generators, but how about the smell?? Well, don't mention it!! I know one day I'll miss you, roaring monster!
Morbido!
Note: All the photos above are taken by a mobile camera. Sorry if it's not clear enough.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Good-Bye, Grandpa
It was before two weeks from now when I was having the most difficult and horrible time ever; I was feeling so bored and so depressed cuz of my current monotonous life. Days were all the same for me, I could wake up in the morning and predict what could happen in that day in full details cuz the same things happen every day in my life, that is waking up late, stay alone at home till my sister comes back home from college, have lunch, then have dinner with Dad Mom and Sister at night, get online for some time and then read a book on the "lala" light before I sleep at 3 o'clock midnight... And the same for the next day, and the day after it... It was boring as hell that I finished two books in one week!
On last Sunday, 2 nd of April, I woke up at eight o'clock in order to close the door after my sister when she goes to college. The weather was unusually cold and it was raining so heavily that the falling rain on the ground was making a very loud sound. I went back to bed as it was still early for me to wake up. I suddenly had a feeling that things would be ok for my sick grandfather. I was thinking alot about him during the past week and was visiting him everyday to check upon him. He had Alzheimers during the last three years, and his condition was suddenly worsening in the last week!
It all happened to him right after the war. He saw many dead people in the streets as he was trying to reach to our house or to one of my aunts to see how we were doing as phone lines were not working. He once saw a dead man on the roadside for several days, and no-one knew anything about that man. He also saw a person being robbed and shot to death in front of him down the street. Let alone the war itself and how horrible its days were! He got depression, and time by time he started to lose his memory. My last memories with him when he was in his healthy state were during the war. He came to stay with us for Dad was out in the front. And I remember him all the time listening to the news on the radio and talking with Mom and the situation and how things would work out. He used to calm us down everytime a raid rocked the house, especially my sister who was so scared and cried with every explosion took place in the war. He used to laugh and say to us " Be strong like your Grandpa! Don't be scared, it's a far away rocket. God will protect us".
It was one day after the war when Grandpa visited us in the morning as he used to do for all of his life, and said to Mom, " I'm not feeling well!". It was at that time when he started to be depressed and his health was detoriorating. He started to speak less and less, and he only asked questions about certain things. Ane whenever we visited my grandparents we all used to notice that he barely spoke anything! He was sitting with us but hardly spoke with anybody. He couldn't even sleep at night. Later he was diagnosed with Alzheimres.
Everyone used to call him "The Morning Visitor" cuz he used to visit us all in the morning time. His visits were so fun and his smile were the nicest. When I was few years old I used to call him "Dad" cuz I thought that he was my father! I barely saw my father when I was little cuz he was in the military in the southern part of the country, and it was a wartime with Iran! Dad used to buy me and my sister gifts and stuff and send them all the way from his place to Baghdad where we were living, and somehow I believe that my Grandfather was the one who bought all those stuff for us!!
During the last week before his death, I was scared everytime the phone bell rang; I was afraid that this phone call would be from my grandmother telling us that my grandfather is dying! One afternoon, my uncle's wife called and told us to go to my grandpa as he was getting really sick. I started to be scared of phone calls since that day! I used to go with Mom everyday to visit him. Thankfully, my grandparents moved to a house in my same region and only one street from my house, so it was so easy to go there anytime day or night. One day when we went there, I got to his room with my Mother and saw him sleeping in his bed and my grandmother was sitting on his bedside reciting from Holly Quran and crying. His senses stopped, he hardly opened his eyes or talked. I couldn't look at him cuz I didn't want that image to stuch in my mind. Grandma told him that we were there and asked him if he knew us. She told him, " It's your eldest daughter and eldest grandchild, do you remember them?". I was standing behind Mom and I cried silently. He opened his eyes for one second, smiled and said "Yes, I remember".
I took my baby cousin from his mother and rushed out of the room cuz it was too hard for me to stay there any longer and watch my grandfather in that state. The next day he got worse and couldn't eat or drink anything. My aunts, my grandfather's brothers and sisters and some other relatives used to gather around him everyday untill the last day when he passed away.
On Sunday, 2nd of April came the phone call I was scared of. I woke up at ten o'clock in the morning and saw Mom in my room telling that she decided not to go to her work cuz of the crazy rain outside. I could smell the rain in every corner of the room and the entire house. It was gloomy and cold. After about ten minutes, the phone rang and Mom answered. All what she said on the phone was " What? I'm coming now!". I looked at her and asked what was up, she told me that it was my aunt telling Mom to come over to see my grandfather as soon as possible. He stopped breathing.
I tried to search for an umbrella for Mom in order to go out, but I couldn't find anyone. She finally decided to go out running under the rain. By the time she got there my grandfather was dead. He died peacefully in his bed among his family and loved ones.
I was at home half waken and half asleep. I was thinking of the rain outside and of my grandfatgher. I was also thinking that maybe in the midest of the pain no one might remember to pray for him there, so I said little prayes and wished him Heaven. I didn't know about his death untill two hours had passed.
I can't cry when there are people around me, so for the first time in my life I cound "sob" loudly alone at home. All the memories came rushing to my mind at once, and my greaf even increased. It wasn't rain outside, the sky was crying as well! The most peacefull, loving and passionate man on earth was gone.
The funeral days were the most hectic ones. The first moment I got to my grandparents' house and saw Grandma, she cried loudly and said " Grandpa is gone!"..
On last Sunday, 2 nd of April, I woke up at eight o'clock in order to close the door after my sister when she goes to college. The weather was unusually cold and it was raining so heavily that the falling rain on the ground was making a very loud sound. I went back to bed as it was still early for me to wake up. I suddenly had a feeling that things would be ok for my sick grandfather. I was thinking alot about him during the past week and was visiting him everyday to check upon him. He had Alzheimers during the last three years, and his condition was suddenly worsening in the last week!
It all happened to him right after the war. He saw many dead people in the streets as he was trying to reach to our house or to one of my aunts to see how we were doing as phone lines were not working. He once saw a dead man on the roadside for several days, and no-one knew anything about that man. He also saw a person being robbed and shot to death in front of him down the street. Let alone the war itself and how horrible its days were! He got depression, and time by time he started to lose his memory. My last memories with him when he was in his healthy state were during the war. He came to stay with us for Dad was out in the front. And I remember him all the time listening to the news on the radio and talking with Mom and the situation and how things would work out. He used to calm us down everytime a raid rocked the house, especially my sister who was so scared and cried with every explosion took place in the war. He used to laugh and say to us " Be strong like your Grandpa! Don't be scared, it's a far away rocket. God will protect us".
It was one day after the war when Grandpa visited us in the morning as he used to do for all of his life, and said to Mom, " I'm not feeling well!". It was at that time when he started to be depressed and his health was detoriorating. He started to speak less and less, and he only asked questions about certain things. Ane whenever we visited my grandparents we all used to notice that he barely spoke anything! He was sitting with us but hardly spoke with anybody. He couldn't even sleep at night. Later he was diagnosed with Alzheimres.
Everyone used to call him "The Morning Visitor" cuz he used to visit us all in the morning time. His visits were so fun and his smile were the nicest. When I was few years old I used to call him "Dad" cuz I thought that he was my father! I barely saw my father when I was little cuz he was in the military in the southern part of the country, and it was a wartime with Iran! Dad used to buy me and my sister gifts and stuff and send them all the way from his place to Baghdad where we were living, and somehow I believe that my Grandfather was the one who bought all those stuff for us!!
During the last week before his death, I was scared everytime the phone bell rang; I was afraid that this phone call would be from my grandmother telling us that my grandfather is dying! One afternoon, my uncle's wife called and told us to go to my grandpa as he was getting really sick. I started to be scared of phone calls since that day! I used to go with Mom everyday to visit him. Thankfully, my grandparents moved to a house in my same region and only one street from my house, so it was so easy to go there anytime day or night. One day when we went there, I got to his room with my Mother and saw him sleeping in his bed and my grandmother was sitting on his bedside reciting from Holly Quran and crying. His senses stopped, he hardly opened his eyes or talked. I couldn't look at him cuz I didn't want that image to stuch in my mind. Grandma told him that we were there and asked him if he knew us. She told him, " It's your eldest daughter and eldest grandchild, do you remember them?". I was standing behind Mom and I cried silently. He opened his eyes for one second, smiled and said "Yes, I remember".
I took my baby cousin from his mother and rushed out of the room cuz it was too hard for me to stay there any longer and watch my grandfather in that state. The next day he got worse and couldn't eat or drink anything. My aunts, my grandfather's brothers and sisters and some other relatives used to gather around him everyday untill the last day when he passed away.
On Sunday, 2nd of April came the phone call I was scared of. I woke up at ten o'clock in the morning and saw Mom in my room telling that she decided not to go to her work cuz of the crazy rain outside. I could smell the rain in every corner of the room and the entire house. It was gloomy and cold. After about ten minutes, the phone rang and Mom answered. All what she said on the phone was " What? I'm coming now!". I looked at her and asked what was up, she told me that it was my aunt telling Mom to come over to see my grandfather as soon as possible. He stopped breathing.
I tried to search for an umbrella for Mom in order to go out, but I couldn't find anyone. She finally decided to go out running under the rain. By the time she got there my grandfather was dead. He died peacefully in his bed among his family and loved ones.
I was at home half waken and half asleep. I was thinking of the rain outside and of my grandfatgher. I was also thinking that maybe in the midest of the pain no one might remember to pray for him there, so I said little prayes and wished him Heaven. I didn't know about his death untill two hours had passed.
I can't cry when there are people around me, so for the first time in my life I cound "sob" loudly alone at home. All the memories came rushing to my mind at once, and my greaf even increased. It wasn't rain outside, the sky was crying as well! The most peacefull, loving and passionate man on earth was gone.
The funeral days were the most hectic ones. The first moment I got to my grandparents' house and saw Grandma, she cried loudly and said " Grandpa is gone!"..
May you rest in Heaven near God now for you suffered alot during your 68 years of age.
Morbido!
That's him when he started to get sick..
Friday, April 07, 2006
Alive and Around
Hello everyone,
I am sorry I haven't posted anything lately in my blog, but the situation is completely out of control and I'm not at home most of the time. My grandfather died last Sunday after suffering from Alzheimre for about three years. I am preparing a long post about him, hope that I will be able to finish it soon.
There is so much to say but I have no enough time now. Another radio show is coming in the way!
Morbido!
I am sorry I haven't posted anything lately in my blog, but the situation is completely out of control and I'm not at home most of the time. My grandfather died last Sunday after suffering from Alzheimre for about three years. I am preparing a long post about him, hope that I will be able to finish it soon.
There is so much to say but I have no enough time now. Another radio show is coming in the way!
Morbido!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Baghdad Diary \ January 20th.
Another new day started in Baghdad. I’ve been busy during the previous days working on some papers for my scholarship program. I had to submit a writing sample and a copy of my CV, and I also had to update my application file as the office in Baghdad required them. Another thing I got busy with was preparing to talk online with a radio station in America about the higher education system in Iraq before and after the war. I had to postpone the meeting with the reporter till next week because I was having problems with my internet server. I’ve been also busy being a full time house keeper because my Mother is in Dubai now and I’m in full charge of everything in the house.
An email came from the Fulbright office in Baghdad lately saying that all grantees must take the GRE Exam. So, I had to go register my name for the exam in order to take it in March. The registration time was limited between 12-5 P.M. in Babel Hotel. Many streets were blocked to provide some security for Friday Prayers, and the streets were almost empty because all families spend Fridays at homes. It’s the weekend holiday here.
I went out of home with my Father before 12 o’clock in order to be there in time so that we finish early. I usually go out with my Father when I have some work to do. Not because I am a spoiled child, but because it’s so dangerous for a girl to go out alone in Baghdad now because she might be kidnapped easily is she was alone. Sometimes I wish if I have my own car to go out and do my work independently, but I’m scared of driving a car alone in the messy and dangerous streets of Baghdad.
When I was still at college last year, I used to get to and out of the university’s campus through the students’ park. The park was full of cars all the time, but those cars belonged to the guys rather than the girls because girls are afraid of driving.
Back to the registration at the hotel; I met some of the Fulbrighters there, and we all sat together and filled our registration forms. It was fun to meet them again. The first meeting at the Convention Center was not that good because it was very fast and the place was dangerous. But this second meeting was very much better although not all of the Fulbrighters were there.
So, I finished my registration form after 2 o’clock and went back home to take my sister and go to my grandparents’ home for lunch. I took some photos in my mobile’s camera because I forgot to take my digital camera with me! ( Unfortunately, somehow I lost those photos!! )
After lunch, we came back home and called my Mother to tell her about our news. She said that she passed by the American University in Dubai this morning and she wished that I would work in such place after getting my Master degree in the U.S.
My friends and I decided to go to college tomorrow, but we postponed it till Monday because there are some reports saying that the streets will be closed for 48 hours because of announcing the elections’ results.
It ends here! Those were a diary entries of a week in Baghdad, I hope you enjoyed reading it!
An email came from the Fulbright office in Baghdad lately saying that all grantees must take the GRE Exam. So, I had to go register my name for the exam in order to take it in March. The registration time was limited between 12-5 P.M. in Babel Hotel. Many streets were blocked to provide some security for Friday Prayers, and the streets were almost empty because all families spend Fridays at homes. It’s the weekend holiday here.
I went out of home with my Father before 12 o’clock in order to be there in time so that we finish early. I usually go out with my Father when I have some work to do. Not because I am a spoiled child, but because it’s so dangerous for a girl to go out alone in Baghdad now because she might be kidnapped easily is she was alone. Sometimes I wish if I have my own car to go out and do my work independently, but I’m scared of driving a car alone in the messy and dangerous streets of Baghdad.
When I was still at college last year, I used to get to and out of the university’s campus through the students’ park. The park was full of cars all the time, but those cars belonged to the guys rather than the girls because girls are afraid of driving.
Back to the registration at the hotel; I met some of the Fulbrighters there, and we all sat together and filled our registration forms. It was fun to meet them again. The first meeting at the Convention Center was not that good because it was very fast and the place was dangerous. But this second meeting was very much better although not all of the Fulbrighters were there.
So, I finished my registration form after 2 o’clock and went back home to take my sister and go to my grandparents’ home for lunch. I took some photos in my mobile’s camera because I forgot to take my digital camera with me! ( Unfortunately, somehow I lost those photos!! )
After lunch, we came back home and called my Mother to tell her about our news. She said that she passed by the American University in Dubai this morning and she wished that I would work in such place after getting my Master degree in the U.S.
My friends and I decided to go to college tomorrow, but we postponed it till Monday because there are some reports saying that the streets will be closed for 48 hours because of announcing the elections’ results.
It ends here! Those were a diary entries of a week in Baghdad, I hope you enjoyed reading it!
Morbido!
Friday, March 24, 2006
Baghdad Diary \ January, 19th.
A salutation from Baghdad. Since nothing important happened today, I decided to talk about some things that happen in Iraq. Many things have changed here since the war. People in other countries watch the news on T.V. but they can never know how is it to live in such circumstances. It’s not easy for a girl as well as a guy to live in a war zone. This war zone forced many things on me. As a young girl, I want to enjoy my life, have a good job and go out with my friends any time I like. But all of this can’t happen because of the unstable condition and chaos that is going on here.
I like movies a lot, but I haven’t been to any movie theatre before! There were no appropriate movie theatres in Baghdad before the war, and now they are all closed. I, as any other Iraqi young person, prevented from the smallest way of joy in life.
The limitations which I or any other girl has are made because of the so many wars that took place in Iraq throughout the history. Every war changed something and took the country backward until the last war which almost destroyed the country.
I've been using the internet since 2002. I was just browsing the websites by that time. Chat rooms, instant messengers were not allowed during Saddam's time. Even the access to the internet was very limited; E-mails were slow and also limited. When the war ended, the first thing I did is that I got an internet connection at home. It was a Dial-up connection which was slow, but I was so happy with it. I started to get to chat rooms and talk to people from around the world. I remember that my first time I ever chat with someone on the net was on iraq.net with a guy named Jamal (that was his name or nickname). And I was like "Oh my God, there is someone talking with me here!!"
On the same website, I once got a private message from someone asking if I could speak or understand English in order to have some chat. I replied with "yes". It was the first time I ever talk with an American person. This person was an American mom who had a son in Iraq at that time, October 2003. We kept emailing each other for some time, and she asked me about so many things about life and people in Iraq. Her son was here, so she was concerned. But, one day she said something that I really didn't like at all. She said that the American army was going to bring us food and education to Iraq!!! She didn't know that Iraq, and especially Baghdad was the land of knowledge and educators of the world! I tried to explain that to her. But then we reached to a dead end and she didn't email me anymore. I was mad at her at that time, but then I came to realize that it wasn't her fault when she said such thing and other things. She really doesn't know anything about my country, and this is not her fault. I guess it's somewhat the media's fault that only shows the bad things in my country.
Then on June 2004, I got to Oprah.com for the first time. I went directly to the message boards and wrote a short post introducing myself and asking if I was welcomed in that place. The women there were very nice and kind, and as I expected, they asked me so many questions about how is it to live in Iraq. One question was "why women are forced to cover their faces when they go out in Iraq?"... Well, I didn't know how to answer that question. THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW! So, I explained everything to them in details, and told them that this was never true. They saw Afghanistan, and they think that Iraq is exactly the same as Afghanistan where women are not allowed to show their faces in public or go to work or even is educated. The situation in Iraq is totally different from that in Afghanistan. Women can go to work, go out, go to universities and have education. They don't cover their faces here.
Other questions were like "Do you guys have cars in Iraq?", "How do you go to your jobs?", "Do you have cameras? Can you take some photos and send them?"… Yes sure!!!
But it was really fun to answer those questions.
Morbido!
I like movies a lot, but I haven’t been to any movie theatre before! There were no appropriate movie theatres in Baghdad before the war, and now they are all closed. I, as any other Iraqi young person, prevented from the smallest way of joy in life.
The limitations which I or any other girl has are made because of the so many wars that took place in Iraq throughout the history. Every war changed something and took the country backward until the last war which almost destroyed the country.
I've been using the internet since 2002. I was just browsing the websites by that time. Chat rooms, instant messengers were not allowed during Saddam's time. Even the access to the internet was very limited; E-mails were slow and also limited. When the war ended, the first thing I did is that I got an internet connection at home. It was a Dial-up connection which was slow, but I was so happy with it. I started to get to chat rooms and talk to people from around the world. I remember that my first time I ever chat with someone on the net was on iraq.net with a guy named Jamal (that was his name or nickname). And I was like "Oh my God, there is someone talking with me here!!"
On the same website, I once got a private message from someone asking if I could speak or understand English in order to have some chat. I replied with "yes". It was the first time I ever talk with an American person. This person was an American mom who had a son in Iraq at that time, October 2003. We kept emailing each other for some time, and she asked me about so many things about life and people in Iraq. Her son was here, so she was concerned. But, one day she said something that I really didn't like at all. She said that the American army was going to bring us food and education to Iraq!!! She didn't know that Iraq, and especially Baghdad was the land of knowledge and educators of the world! I tried to explain that to her. But then we reached to a dead end and she didn't email me anymore. I was mad at her at that time, but then I came to realize that it wasn't her fault when she said such thing and other things. She really doesn't know anything about my country, and this is not her fault. I guess it's somewhat the media's fault that only shows the bad things in my country.
Then on June 2004, I got to Oprah.com for the first time. I went directly to the message boards and wrote a short post introducing myself and asking if I was welcomed in that place. The women there were very nice and kind, and as I expected, they asked me so many questions about how is it to live in Iraq. One question was "why women are forced to cover their faces when they go out in Iraq?"... Well, I didn't know how to answer that question. THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW! So, I explained everything to them in details, and told them that this was never true. They saw Afghanistan, and they think that Iraq is exactly the same as Afghanistan where women are not allowed to show their faces in public or go to work or even is educated. The situation in Iraq is totally different from that in Afghanistan. Women can go to work, go out, go to universities and have education. They don't cover their faces here.
Other questions were like "Do you guys have cars in Iraq?", "How do you go to your jobs?", "Do you have cameras? Can you take some photos and send them?"… Yes sure!!!
But it was really fun to answer those questions.
Morbido!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Baghdad Diary \ January 18th.
I was feeling so bad when I wrote this for the Diary Project
Hi,
This is a new day and I thank God I’m still breathing and alive. In Iraq, especially Baghdad, people thank God every moment for being alive because we don’t know what we might face in the next moment which can cause our death. You could be walking down the street and get a bullet in your head out of a sudden. This bullet can be either directed to you or it’s just one of those so many gunshots we hear everyday.
Or maybe you could be standing in a long line waiting to sign up your name in the military or police to serve your country and help building it, and somebody comes out of nowhere to blow up himself and cause the death of all who are waiting inline, including you. This kind of explosion will tear your corpse into pieces and nobody will be able to gather them because they are mixed with the other corpses’ pieces! Dark, ha?! The truth is even darker than this, and living in such circumstances is a real hell on earth.
I am a young girl in my twenties, and I have the future in front of me, and life is calling for me to enjoy and live every single moment of it. But how am I going to do this when I’m living no life? How can I enjoy when I see young people dying every day in my country? I can only think that I could be the next!
I woke up early at seven o’clock this morning because Mom was leaving to Dubai on a vacation for two weeks. This is her second time she travels for some country on a vacation. The first time was also to Dubai last summer.
She had to get to the airport early even though her flight was at 11 A.M. the road leading to the airport is very dangerous and filled with Iraqi and American checkpoints. No one can get to the airport by his car or taxicab, there are certain taxicabs assigned to get the travelers from anywhere in Baghdad right to the airport. The cost of hiring one of those taxis is quite expensive because there are limited drivers who are assigned to do this job and allowed to drive in the airport’s street which is dangerous. But there is no other way to get there except for this street.
It was supposed that the plane take off at 11 o’clock, but as everything here can be changed at anytime, the flight was delayed until 3 P.M., she reached Dubai after about three to four hours and she called us from Dubai Airport to say that she landed safely.
I spent the night listening to the radio as usual, and I discovered that there is a new Iraqi radio station starting to broadcast every day.
Morbido!
Hi,
This is a new day and I thank God I’m still breathing and alive. In Iraq, especially Baghdad, people thank God every moment for being alive because we don’t know what we might face in the next moment which can cause our death. You could be walking down the street and get a bullet in your head out of a sudden. This bullet can be either directed to you or it’s just one of those so many gunshots we hear everyday.
Or maybe you could be standing in a long line waiting to sign up your name in the military or police to serve your country and help building it, and somebody comes out of nowhere to blow up himself and cause the death of all who are waiting inline, including you. This kind of explosion will tear your corpse into pieces and nobody will be able to gather them because they are mixed with the other corpses’ pieces! Dark, ha?! The truth is even darker than this, and living in such circumstances is a real hell on earth.
I am a young girl in my twenties, and I have the future in front of me, and life is calling for me to enjoy and live every single moment of it. But how am I going to do this when I’m living no life? How can I enjoy when I see young people dying every day in my country? I can only think that I could be the next!
I woke up early at seven o’clock this morning because Mom was leaving to Dubai on a vacation for two weeks. This is her second time she travels for some country on a vacation. The first time was also to Dubai last summer.
She had to get to the airport early even though her flight was at 11 A.M. the road leading to the airport is very dangerous and filled with Iraqi and American checkpoints. No one can get to the airport by his car or taxicab, there are certain taxicabs assigned to get the travelers from anywhere in Baghdad right to the airport. The cost of hiring one of those taxis is quite expensive because there are limited drivers who are assigned to do this job and allowed to drive in the airport’s street which is dangerous. But there is no other way to get there except for this street.
It was supposed that the plane take off at 11 o’clock, but as everything here can be changed at anytime, the flight was delayed until 3 P.M., she reached Dubai after about three to four hours and she called us from Dubai Airport to say that she landed safely.
I spent the night listening to the radio as usual, and I discovered that there is a new Iraqi radio station starting to broadcast every day.
Morbido!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
The Radio Girl ![UPDATED]
I was just talking on the phone with the U.S.A., and this time was with Talk of The Nation on NPR Radio! The show was live this time. I was accompanied with other Iraqi people from Iraq. There is no audio for the show yet, but it will be available soon. Check it out!
Morbido!
Hello everyone, and welcome new readers :)
I didn't have enough time last night to post the full story behind the radio show, so I just posted a link to the story without a link to the audio. Now the audio is available in the same story link here...
It all happened on Wednesday morning. It was about 10:45 in the morning, and I was still asleep! Yes, I know, I sleep till late hours :) That's cuz I have nothing to do in the morning, and all my family is out to work and college. So, I was asleep when my mobile rang. I was half awake and half asleep when I answered the call. There was a girl on the other end of the phone line, and I was asking myself if this girl was speaking English with me or it was just in my head!! Somehow I started to speak English as well.. She told me that she was calling from the U.S. and that she's a friend of a reporter from War News Radio and that she got my number from him. She said that they were doing a radio show about Iraq and wanted to interview some Iraqi people on the phone to talk on the show, and asked if I would like to join. I said "Yes" immediately. I am a Yes girl, I say yes and think later! And then she told me that they would call me on Thursday for the show. As soon as I finished the phone call I started to recall what just happened word by word. Did she just say NPR?!
I kept thinking about the whole thing all day long and said to myself "I'm going to be on NPR!!". The first time I heard about this radio station was from an Iraqi friend who lives in the U.S., and now they are calling me to be on one of their shows!
I first didn't know if the show was going to be live or recorded. Then I knew that it was live and that there were people calling to ask questions! It wasn't really hard, I enjoyed it so much. But, again, I was speaking too fast!! I was talking and I felt that my brain was like "Huh??" ...
Morbido!
Morbido!
[Update:]
Hello everyone, and welcome new readers :)
I didn't have enough time last night to post the full story behind the radio show, so I just posted a link to the story without a link to the audio. Now the audio is available in the same story link here...
It all happened on Wednesday morning. It was about 10:45 in the morning, and I was still asleep! Yes, I know, I sleep till late hours :) That's cuz I have nothing to do in the morning, and all my family is out to work and college. So, I was asleep when my mobile rang. I was half awake and half asleep when I answered the call. There was a girl on the other end of the phone line, and I was asking myself if this girl was speaking English with me or it was just in my head!! Somehow I started to speak English as well.. She told me that she was calling from the U.S. and that she's a friend of a reporter from War News Radio and that she got my number from him. She said that they were doing a radio show about Iraq and wanted to interview some Iraqi people on the phone to talk on the show, and asked if I would like to join. I said "Yes" immediately. I am a Yes girl, I say yes and think later! And then she told me that they would call me on Thursday for the show. As soon as I finished the phone call I started to recall what just happened word by word. Did she just say NPR?!
I kept thinking about the whole thing all day long and said to myself "I'm going to be on NPR!!". The first time I heard about this radio station was from an Iraqi friend who lives in the U.S., and now they are calling me to be on one of their shows!
I first didn't know if the show was going to be live or recorded. Then I knew that it was live and that there were people calling to ask questions! It wasn't really hard, I enjoyed it so much. But, again, I was speaking too fast!! I was talking and I felt that my brain was like "Huh??" ...
Morbido!
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Baghdad-Diary \ January 17th.
Several days were skipped in the diary.
A new day has come on Baghdad; I spent half of the morning time sleeping and the other half thinking of what to write in a writing sample for my scholarship program. The weather is very cold in this time of the year. I used to spend the morning time of January at college with my friends attending lectures and enjoying our time. But this year is different; I am graduated and staying at home waiting to leave to America.
Today, I had my first call with an American person on the phone. I was asked to make a writing sample for the Fulbright as one of the universities in America which got my application file requires this writing sample. I had a short time to think of a topic and to write about it in about 250 words. I didn’t know what to write about and I was confused that I might write about something and they think that I might have got it from the internet. I thought that maybe it would be better to ask someone from America about the topics they are interested to read. I could have emailed any of the American friends I have online, but there was no electricity and I needed a response in a quick time.
So, I picked up the phone and called someone I know who has an American work-mate and asked him to ask his colleague about the topics the Americans could be interested in. I could have written about anything that came to my mind like the Iraqi civilization and history or anything of that type, but such topics contain information rather than discussions and analysis, and it would be easy to find that info on the net. So I wouldn’t be doing a good job by this. The university’s decision depends on this writing!
Few hours later, that person called me back and told me that his American colleague would talk to me! I was kinda shocked and refused to talk at first. I didn’t refuse because I didn’t want to talk to an American person. On the contrary, as I was waiting for such a chance to talk with American people and practice my English language for some time. I was afraid that I might not be able to understand what he would talk about. But, as soon as he came to the phone and said “Hi”, I felt comfortable and talked with him freely for some minutes.
I told him that I applied for a scholarship and that I got it and I’m about to leave the country, and that I needed some possible topics to write about that could impress the American readers. He gave me some topics which were easy and interested. I thanked him and ended the phone call.
That was the first time I talk with an American person on the phone. I was very excited for that. He told me that I speak English very well, and I said thank you! I have been studying English for a long time now, and I practiced it through writing only! I had very few experiences in speaking English. Most of the times were inside the class during a lecture when I wanted to answer a question or discuss something. The first time I spoke English out of the class was in an interview with the CNN at my college almost two years ago when I was in third grade. I was attending a lecture of translation when a professor in my department got into the class and told the lecturer that she needed three students to talk before the camera with a journalist from the CNN. The second time was in the Fulbright interview. The third time was today on the phone. And there is a fourth time which is coming soon as I’m going to speak online with a radio station in America!
I went out with my family in the afternoon to buy something for home and some stuff form Mom as she is leaving to UAE on a vacation for two week. I was supposed to go with her but I was denied the visa because I am an Iraqi student!
I spent the night time in bed listening to the radio because there was no electricity, and the home generator didn’t work because we haven’t used it for some time now, and also because of the freezing weather outside.
A new day has come on Baghdad; I spent half of the morning time sleeping and the other half thinking of what to write in a writing sample for my scholarship program. The weather is very cold in this time of the year. I used to spend the morning time of January at college with my friends attending lectures and enjoying our time. But this year is different; I am graduated and staying at home waiting to leave to America.
Today, I had my first call with an American person on the phone. I was asked to make a writing sample for the Fulbright as one of the universities in America which got my application file requires this writing sample. I had a short time to think of a topic and to write about it in about 250 words. I didn’t know what to write about and I was confused that I might write about something and they think that I might have got it from the internet. I thought that maybe it would be better to ask someone from America about the topics they are interested to read. I could have emailed any of the American friends I have online, but there was no electricity and I needed a response in a quick time.
So, I picked up the phone and called someone I know who has an American work-mate and asked him to ask his colleague about the topics the Americans could be interested in. I could have written about anything that came to my mind like the Iraqi civilization and history or anything of that type, but such topics contain information rather than discussions and analysis, and it would be easy to find that info on the net. So I wouldn’t be doing a good job by this. The university’s decision depends on this writing!
Few hours later, that person called me back and told me that his American colleague would talk to me! I was kinda shocked and refused to talk at first. I didn’t refuse because I didn’t want to talk to an American person. On the contrary, as I was waiting for such a chance to talk with American people and practice my English language for some time. I was afraid that I might not be able to understand what he would talk about. But, as soon as he came to the phone and said “Hi”, I felt comfortable and talked with him freely for some minutes.
I told him that I applied for a scholarship and that I got it and I’m about to leave the country, and that I needed some possible topics to write about that could impress the American readers. He gave me some topics which were easy and interested. I thanked him and ended the phone call.
That was the first time I talk with an American person on the phone. I was very excited for that. He told me that I speak English very well, and I said thank you! I have been studying English for a long time now, and I practiced it through writing only! I had very few experiences in speaking English. Most of the times were inside the class during a lecture when I wanted to answer a question or discuss something. The first time I spoke English out of the class was in an interview with the CNN at my college almost two years ago when I was in third grade. I was attending a lecture of translation when a professor in my department got into the class and told the lecturer that she needed three students to talk before the camera with a journalist from the CNN. The second time was in the Fulbright interview. The third time was today on the phone. And there is a fourth time which is coming soon as I’m going to speak online with a radio station in America!
I went out with my family in the afternoon to buy something for home and some stuff form Mom as she is leaving to UAE on a vacation for two week. I was supposed to go with her but I was denied the visa because I am an Iraqi student!
I spent the night time in bed listening to the radio because there was no electricity, and the home generator didn’t work because we haven’t used it for some time now, and also because of the freezing weather outside.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Baghdad-Diary \ January, 14th.
Greetings,
I feel bored today because I have nothing to do! I want to go out and meet my friends but I can’t because any place would be unsafe for girls to be alone, and we wouldn’t have fun if there were some elder people from our families with us! I am independent but I can’t practice my independence here. I sometimes see girls walking down the streets by themselves and I get surprised at this. Not because it’s unusual to see a girl going out alone, but it’s because I have missed this scene since the war started. I wish to go out alone but I’m afraid to do so.
I can spend my time reading books or watching T.V., but it would be boring after sometime. I thank God that at least I have a good access to books to read, otherwise I would die! I like novels, so I collect and read them. Last year, an American woman helped me to get some books that couldn’t be found in Iraq and mailed them to me all the way from the U.S.A. to Iraq.
I miss my friends and wish to meet them soon. We used to be six girls when we were at college; we met there when we were at our first grade. We all have the same specialization which is English literature, and we all like this domain so much. We used to go out for lunch when we became in second grade, we had a great friendship and we also used to spend some time in each others houses. It was so fun to do this.
The war took place when we were in second grade. We thought that college would be canceled for that year, but it was resumed in May, that is two months after the war. We had our final exams in July, the hottest month of the year in Iraq. The circumstances under which we had our exams were horrible; we couldn’t even breathe well inside our examination’s halls. Everything was messy and we were not used to the helicopters’ sounds over our heads all the time. It was very frustrating to so many of us. But now if you ask me I say to you that I don’t hear the planes sounds anymore because I got used to them very much that I don’t hear anything anymore!
One of my six friends had to leave the country six months after the war. She went to live in another country with her family. I felt very sad for her leave but I knew that it was for her better because things were not showing any good signs at that time, and it was true as everything started to get worse day after day.
The six girls at college became five. Our friendship grew stronger and we became all in one class after being split in two classes. We kept on our goings out for lunch even though it was dangerous. It was fun to do risky things sometimes! We reached the fourth and last year of college and we were filled with hope that we would graduate and get good jobs. We graduated, and some of us applied for the higher studies and the others started to search for a job in their field of study. The higher studies results came out but none of us were accepted! We were not sad for this because we knew it. My friends kept searching for jobs, and when they didn’t find one in their major, they started to search for other jobs that are not in their domains. Two of them succeeded in finding jobs, but they salary wasn’t good at all. They took the job because they didn’t want to stay at home. They left the job after some months because the region where their workplace located was dangerous. One of those two girls left Baghdad and moved to a City in north of Iraq with her family because they couldn’t stand it here anymore.
The five girls became four! Another one of my friends was searching for a job all summer time, and she was about to get one at the Green Zone but she changed her mind when two translators were killed there, and she preferred to work as a saleswoman with a poor salary. My last friend in the group is still searching for a job till this moment. And me, it’s obvious! I got the scholarship I was dreaming of.
Morbido!
I feel bored today because I have nothing to do! I want to go out and meet my friends but I can’t because any place would be unsafe for girls to be alone, and we wouldn’t have fun if there were some elder people from our families with us! I am independent but I can’t practice my independence here. I sometimes see girls walking down the streets by themselves and I get surprised at this. Not because it’s unusual to see a girl going out alone, but it’s because I have missed this scene since the war started. I wish to go out alone but I’m afraid to do so.
I can spend my time reading books or watching T.V., but it would be boring after sometime. I thank God that at least I have a good access to books to read, otherwise I would die! I like novels, so I collect and read them. Last year, an American woman helped me to get some books that couldn’t be found in Iraq and mailed them to me all the way from the U.S.A. to Iraq.
I miss my friends and wish to meet them soon. We used to be six girls when we were at college; we met there when we were at our first grade. We all have the same specialization which is English literature, and we all like this domain so much. We used to go out for lunch when we became in second grade, we had a great friendship and we also used to spend some time in each others houses. It was so fun to do this.
The war took place when we were in second grade. We thought that college would be canceled for that year, but it was resumed in May, that is two months after the war. We had our final exams in July, the hottest month of the year in Iraq. The circumstances under which we had our exams were horrible; we couldn’t even breathe well inside our examination’s halls. Everything was messy and we were not used to the helicopters’ sounds over our heads all the time. It was very frustrating to so many of us. But now if you ask me I say to you that I don’t hear the planes sounds anymore because I got used to them very much that I don’t hear anything anymore!
One of my six friends had to leave the country six months after the war. She went to live in another country with her family. I felt very sad for her leave but I knew that it was for her better because things were not showing any good signs at that time, and it was true as everything started to get worse day after day.
The six girls at college became five. Our friendship grew stronger and we became all in one class after being split in two classes. We kept on our goings out for lunch even though it was dangerous. It was fun to do risky things sometimes! We reached the fourth and last year of college and we were filled with hope that we would graduate and get good jobs. We graduated, and some of us applied for the higher studies and the others started to search for a job in their field of study. The higher studies results came out but none of us were accepted! We were not sad for this because we knew it. My friends kept searching for jobs, and when they didn’t find one in their major, they started to search for other jobs that are not in their domains. Two of them succeeded in finding jobs, but they salary wasn’t good at all. They took the job because they didn’t want to stay at home. They left the job after some months because the region where their workplace located was dangerous. One of those two girls left Baghdad and moved to a City in north of Iraq with her family because they couldn’t stand it here anymore.
The five girls became four! Another one of my friends was searching for a job all summer time, and she was about to get one at the Green Zone but she changed her mind when two translators were killed there, and she preferred to work as a saleswoman with a poor salary. My last friend in the group is still searching for a job till this moment. And me, it’s obvious! I got the scholarship I was dreaming of.
Morbido!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Baghdad-Diary\ January 13th.
Education is about to vanish!!!
Good day, this is another day from Baghdad. The days are almost the same here; I have lost the sense of time. The hope I have is the reason I’m still sane in this insane world. My hope is my scholarship which I won to study in the United States. I don’t know what I would be doing if I haven’t won the scholarship. It’s hard to find a job here as I mentioned before, and applying for the Master or Ph.D. degree is something that needs a miracle to be done for the Iraqi students. You can apply but you won’t get it
Thousands of students apply for the higher studies every year, but only few students can be accepted. The reason behind this is the lack of supervising staffs in the Iraqi universities. Many university professors were either killed or they fled the country after the war for the sake of their own security.
There are these envious and vicious groups of terrorists who don’t want my country to stand back on its feet, and they are threatening and killing the educated people of Iraq. They want the country to go back to the Stone Age without education and knowledge.
I applied for the higher studies in my college after I graduated in 2005. I have a B.A. degree in English literature from University of Baghdad. There were about 200 students applying for the higher studies in my college at the same time when I applied. Some of the Iraqi universities and colleges closed the Master and doctoral studies in their departments’ because there are no enough professors to teach and supervise those students.
There is a staff of professors and supervisors in my department who are responsible for the Master and Doctoral studies, they had to interview all of the students who applied to decide whom is eligible to pursue with the higher studies. I was interviewed in a miserable situation; it was very hot in July and there were no electricity in the department at that time. Besides, the place was filled with so many students waiting in line to be interviewed. And there was a competitive exam in August which me and the other students took in an atmosphere compared to hell! The temperature was over 50 degrees, and again, there was no electricity to cool the examination hall, the hall was messy and dirty and there were no good windows to let air come in from the outside. The situation is similar to any other classroom or hall at college!
The shock was that only five students among this huge mass would be accepted to study for their Master or Doctoral degrees! Only five among over 200 students!! The reason, again, is the lack of professors in the Iraqi universities. Those students came from different cities in Iraq to study in here because it is the only place whose departments still have Master and Doctoral studies.
The result came out after a month; I wasn’t accepted. But I didn’t care for it because I was already accepted in the Fulbright Scholarship Program to have my Master degree in the U.S.A.Oh, have I told you that education is totally free in Iraq?
Peace from the land that was once peaceful…
Photos taken in College of Arts\University of Baghdad. The damaged building is the college's library. It was hit during the war, then burned after the war! It stayed the same for about a whole year. And when it was rebuilt, it stayed out of books and resources!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Be a Queen...
For all the women in the world (including me!), I wish you all a very happy Women's Day!!
Be a queen. Dare to be different. Be a pioneer. Be a leader. Be the kind of woman who in the face of diversity will continue to embrace life and walk fearlessly toward challenge. Take it on! Be a truth seeker and rule your domain, whatever it is—your home, your office, your family—with a loving heart.
Be a queen. Be tender. Continue to give birth to ideas and rejoice in your womanhood… my prayer is that we will stop wasting time being mundane and mediocre… we are daughters of God—here to teach the world how to love…
It doesn't matter what you've been through, where you come from, who your parents are—nor your social or economic status. None of that matters. What matters is how you choose to love, how you choose to express that love through your work, through your family, through what you have to give to the world…
Be a queen. Own your power and glory!
Oprah Winfrey. Chicken Soup for The Woman's Soul.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
To Another Year of Glory...
It's Attawie's birthday, and I feel that I should at least dedicate a full post for her in this occasion! Attawie and I have been friends since 2001 when we got to the same college. The first two years of our friendship was in the real world or a real land, the other three years continued through emails, chats, text messages and some phone calls after she left the country.
As a group made of six girls attending the same class, we started to make our Birthday parties in the college's cafeteria in first and second class. My birthday was the first, and hers was the second...I don't remember many details of that day, unfortunately, except for me and one of the girls running in the campus searching for the photographer to take us a photo with the cake and gifts! And I can't remember what my gift was either!! I think it was a music box or something like that.
My dearest friend, I am so happy for you that you could make some of your dreams come true during those 22 years of you life, and I am so much happier that you are my friend. It's true that we've always been six girls, but you were the closest to my heart!
A happy and blissful birthday to you, may this year and all the coming years of you life is glorious and filled with success. I wish you another year of glory :)
Sunday, March 05, 2006
How About Another Break ??
Hey everyone,
I'm deadly busy with preparing for the GRE these days. My exam is on next Saturday! I have some ideas to write about but I can't organize anything now. The Baghdad-Diary will come out next week after the exam, and then the War-Diary after that.. So stay tuned! And take this break! :)
I got this by e-mail..
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the mostromantic first line... BUT the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received. (Those are great for SMS messages just in case you were thinking where you can use them
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty andso is your head.
Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
(¨`·.·´¨) Always
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·´
I'm deadly busy with preparing for the GRE these days. My exam is on next Saturday! I have some ideas to write about but I can't organize anything now. The Baghdad-Diary will come out next week after the exam, and then the War-Diary after that.. So stay tuned! And take this break! :)
I got this by e-mail..
A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the mostromantic first line... BUT the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received. (Those are great for SMS messages just in case you were thinking where you can use them
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty andso is your head.
Oh loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"
(¨`·.·´¨) Always
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) Keep
(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´ Smiling!
`·.¸.·´
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