Too Sad to Speak

I've been trying to write this post for the past three days but I didn't know how to start or what to write about exactly. So much is going on and I'm too sad to speak. But when I finally decided to speak out and started to type, the electricity went off! So have to complete this on paper now and copy it to the blog later.

The setting: - My room at midnight. I'm sitting in bed holding my diary book and a pencil to write. The room is dark, and there is no enough light for writing or reading coming from the famous Iraqi "Lala" [lantern]! I turned on the radio to break the silence of the night. I'm listening to Radio Nawa, one of the so many Iraqi radio stations which started broadcasting after the war. The station is playing the song "Foug Al-Nakhal" for Nathum Al-Ghazali, a famous Iraqi old singer.

There is war out there!

In the last three days, I used to wake up every morning to shocking and horrifying news. It all started on Wednesday, and I'm afraid that it won't stop! On Wednesday morning, we all heard the news of the damaged holly Golden Shrine in Samarra. I was shocked and didn’t believe the news until I saw it on T.V. some hours later as there was no electricity in the morning hours. Mom mesmerized before T.V. waiting the news, and I mesmerized at the computer checking the web and newspapers for photos and more details.

I first read in Washington Post that eight Sunni mosques were attacked after spreading the news of the damaged shrine, but the number suddenly rose on T.V. to reach 129 mosques, and them it raised even more! Could this be real?! When someone looks at the situation for the first moments he can think that attacking the mosques is an angry reaction from the Shiites after damaging the Shrine. But the truth is far away from that. It's planned well and played well this time! However, one thing I'm sure of is that the ones who damaged the Shrine are the same ones who attacked the mosques. Terrorists, insurgents or whatever you want to call them who did this terrible thing are trying to bring the country to civil war. Lebanon suffered a terrible civil war for fifteen years, and it seems that Iraq is becoming like Lebanon more and more everyday!

More news started to spread in Baghdad the next day about people taken from their houses in the middle of the night by men in black and shot to death in the streets! Who are those men in black?! I don't know if those news were all true or just some rumors to cause sectarian conflicts between the Iraqis, but some of this is really happening in Iraq. The situation got out of control!

On Thursday morning, I woke up feeling so gloomy after the previous day's bloody events, and I followed my Mother and sister to the garden to have our breakfast. Everything seemed so dark and we couldn't stand it inside home anymore. We tried to start a new day. Mom asked me if I remember Atwar Bahjat, the Iraqi reporter who was reporting from Samarra all time the day before. I said yes I remember her, and that she was teaching one of my cousins at school sometime before the war. I was shocked when Mom told me that she was killed! They found her dead with other two assistants who were with her. She was reporting from Samarra all the time during the previous day, everyone followed her reports. She used to wear a golden necklace with Iraq's map on in, and she used to show it on her all the time. I have a similar one and I wear it all the time as well. She graduated from my same university and college but from a different department. She studied Arabic language and literature. She was so brave and she risked her life to go to the dangerous places to tell the truth to the whole world right from the scene. She is a victim of terrorism, brutality and conflicts in the country. May she rest in peace.

Now as I'm writing this, I hear gunshots out there. Baghdad has become a city of ghosts. But even in the city of ghosts there are some ghosts walking down the streets, while in Baghdad even ghosts are afraid to go out!! It was called The Land of Peace. How ironic is that! Where is the government in all of this? It's nowhere to be seen. It even failed in protecting the dead people in their Shrines!!

I am a true Morbid Smile now! I'm watching my country being destroyed little by little, its holly places are attacked severely, and its people are killing each other. A great civilization of more than 7000 years is going to waste. It's the country that once was!

I started writing this at about 12:30 midnight, and now it’s 2:30. The radio is still on. I kept switching the stations and the gunshots are still in the open air out there in the city of hell. The radio voice cannot swallow the sounds of explosions anymore.

And at the end, I woke up in the morning to screams and cries of my neighbors. Their old sick father died in his bed last night!

Are you still asking why I am a "Morbid" Smile??

Hear Me Now!

For everyone here, listen to me now!

Then, as part of our continuing series on higher education in Iraq, we hear from an Iraqi woman who recently graduated from Baghdad University. (that's my part!)

A Multi-entries Post

Note: This is last night’s post. I couldn’t post it then cuz I got disconnected from the internet!

Hello everyone,

It seems that I must have a problem with the blogsphere every now and then! This time I can’t view my blog, and if I manage to view the page, I can’t get to the comments’ section... I’m writing this on Word document and will publish it via Word for Blogger.. Luckily, I get the comments on email so I could read them. Anyways, the internet stopped now for some reason but I’ll continue writing this not knowing when to post it. It’s a multi-entries post, so you might read a lot of crap here! I don’t know what’s going on with bloggers these days, but it seems that they are not posting that much recently. And 24 is right; we are tired of everything and nothing! Or maybe Muse is on vacation for some time now;)

I finished another story with media so far. The first one was the Diary project with the German Magazine which I will post next month. The reason why I’m waiting till next month is because the diary text will be published in the magazine’s issue of March. So, to be polite, I must wait until they publish it and then I’ll post it all here in seven entries for one week. I hope you will like it! The other story is with War News Radio. I talked over the phone with the U.S. for two times during the last week. Last time was actually yesterday, and for me it was better than the first time. It was the first time my parents hear me speak English! I don’t know why, but I always feel kind of shy to speak English in front of my parents or people I know! I have a very tiny experience of speaking English. When I was at college, I didn’t speak English that much during class cuz the professors did most of the work. They used to talk and discuss the subject of that lecture, and students used to write down some notes, and very few professors on very few occasions asked us to discuss or answer some questions. But for me, that didn’t really count! The real times for me were in the Fulbright interview which lasted for about half an hour or less and on the phone with the radio reporter for 35 minutes and then another 38 minutes the next week.

But I do speak English with myself if this can be counted! I’m not a freak, and I don’t know if other people do this too, but I think that I talk with myself more than with other people! I also noticed that most of my dreams are in English language. It started when I was in sixth grade in High School. My first dream in English language was about Seinfeld! I dreamed that I was one of Seinfeld team and that it was night time and I was standing in a street with Jerry, Kremer and George. And we were heading to McDonalds when we saw Elaine, she looked at me with surprise and said “American?!”… And I replied “American!”... I wasn’t a fan of Seinfeld at that time and I didn’t know why I dreamed of Seinfeld and McDonalds! But that was an American dream for sure! :)

So, today when Dad came back home from work, he asked me to put the T.V. channel on Saddam’s trial. I totally forgot about that trial and didn’t know that it was on T.V. today! I don’t watch TV that much, and don’t watch the news and political reports at all. I’m just sick of it. But what I saw on TV was so shocking. Was it Barazan sitting in the court hall in his underwear on the floor or was I hallucinating??! This is a true mockery. Those folks should be judged immediately without prosecution. They didn’t try their victims so why should we waste so much time to try them? And what are they doing in return? Nothing except for making strikes against the court or don’t know what! Later on another channel, there was an interview with Raghad, Saddam’s daughter, on the phone. My father and I really laughed when we heard what she was talking about. She kept saying that her father is a hero and bla bla bla. The anchorman asked her if she wanted to go back to Iraq someday, and she said that she would come back home as soon as Iraq is back like before, Saddam’s Iraq as she called it! Yea, you wish!

And at the end, happy Valentine’s Day for everyone :)

Morbido!

Nonsense, nonsense... And then Nonsence!

Hello world..

As you all see, the pink template is gone! Something wrong happened to the blog as usual, and I've lost the backup file cuz I had to format the computer.. and now back to the old "face".. I even guess that this one is better and even faster! So, some people were asking what is it with pink and girls! Actually I don't know but could it really be cuz of Barbie as I said that earlier?! I don't like pink myself.

Anyways, I accomplished some things in the last ten days; I talked with the reporter of War News Radio on the phone. We tried to talk on Skype for several time but it didn't work out, so we tried the phone lines and it worked finally! The phone call last for 35 minutes. It was a great time for me and I had so much fun though I stumbled alot at first! I even had some fatal grammar mistakes, and everytime I did a mistake I used to say "Stupid! correct it", but then I just went on..

I'm going to talk on the phone with U.S.A. again for the radio next week, and you are going to hear me after that! I'll post a link when it's online.

On the other hand, I'm still studying for the GRE exam which will be on March, 11th. I feel myself so stupid when I read this book! Or are they using hard vocabulary?! I'm spending more and more time studying and practicing some drills. There is only one month left, wish me good luck, please.

One more silly accomplishement I did today; I could finally watch Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban! I had the DVD for more than two months now, but I could only get a DVD player and watch it today! I also have Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, but I'll watch it tomorrow. I will probably re-watch the first two parts by midnight (if there is electricity of course!).

I noticed lately that Iraqi bloggers are not posting that much these days (including me)! What's up guys?Common, write something here. Is it the electricity keeping you from getting online? Hey, we've been living with this for more than a decade now!

Hmmm.. I'm thinking of undoing this post now. It seems so meaningless and disordered. I could give a lecture on How To Crack The Vocabulay Section in Your GRE Exam, but I'm sure no-one wants to read such empty stuff! Besides, there is nothing else in my mind currently.. Pardon my foolishness ;) Good Night all


Morbido!

Love at First Sight

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
That's the question I used to ask
Until I laid eyes on you.
How is it possible to feel so much for a
stranger, a passerby?
Love has no limits, no color, no time.
That's when I realized I had fallen in love -
Love at first sight.

What do you think of love at first sight? Does it really exist or is it just a fantacy that we read in romantic tales where the two protagonists fall in love as soon as they catch each others' eyes? I have been asking myself this question for quite a long time> I heard many stories of this kind when I was at high school, and it was a real fun to hear and believe in such things. It happened to me once, actually. But no! I wasn't the one who fell in love with someone at first sight. It was him who did!

I was still at high school at that time, it was probably 1997. There used to be so many guys fooling around near my school and it happened that this guy saw me and started to get some info about me like most of the guys do here when they want to know something about a certain girl. But all his searches were in vain as I was new in the school and nobody even knew my name. I didn't know anything at first but he revealed it after about one year during the school's final exams. But how did he reveal it? No, he didn't have the courage to come and talk to me. He couldn't do it in front of school among the girls, and my house was in the same street where the school was so he couldn't follow me in order to talk either..

He found a girl whom he knew and asked her to send me a verbal message on his behalf expressing his "love"! I first did't believe it, I didn't even know that he existed by that time and I asked the girl to point him to me if he happened to be near the school...

Anyways, nothing of that love could work out cuz I was too young for love. I was only 13. He sent his Mother and sister after some years to ask for my hand but his request was rejected cuz I was still too young to be engaged.

I see that most of the love-at-first-sight stories happen during high school age. That's why some people don't believe in it. It could also happen during college life, but actually I don't know another story to tell here! :)

Now, remember the poll I had at my blog's sidebar? It said "What do you think of love at first sight?", and the answer choices where:

1. Reality.
2. Fantacy.
3. There is no such thing.
4. I don't know!

The poll got 60 votes when I deleted it, and the result was as in the image bellow..

30 people out of 60 say that love at first sight exists. I'm one of those people. I don't say this cuz of that teenagehood's story, but cuz I believe in it even if I haven't experienced it yet. It's true that you might love someone at first sight but then it turns out to be not a true love at all, but the same thing can happen when you know and love someone for a long period of time and then discover that there is no love in the first place! Anything can be possible in love; you can love someone you don't know ( like in the poem above ), or you can fall in love with a friend which happens quite often ( like Monica and Chandler in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for example!), or you can simply meet someone for some time and then fall in love with him\her.

Why some people think it's a fantacy? Maybe because they haven't seen it in real life, or maybe because they think it's an irrational feeling.. or for any other reason. It's real because it happens in real life, because it's one of the ways to fall in love. You may say that it's a crazy way to fall in love like this, but let me tell you that love itself is crazy! It might be considered a fantacy because it suddenly transferes the person from the real world to another magical one by one look from the "beloved" and put him in a fairy-tales world where everything is real, possible and easy to reach.

You might ask if I'm in love wish someone! Well, I'm not in love with anyone yet, but with love itself.

Well, this is my concept about the matter and I hope to read your concepts and opinions as well. Love is a universal feeling which every living person go through at least once in a life time. I know you have wonderful stories to tell, so I'm waiting :) And there are readers who have never left a comment in the blog, PLEASE do it this time!

Morbido...

A Quick Post

Hey there! I hope there are still some readers who are reading this blog..

Tomorrow is the first day in the Lunal year. So it's the new Islamic\Hijri year, and it's also my birthday! :) Happy new year to the Muslim people in Iraq and the whole world, may things get better this year and may peace prevail.
Mom is coming back on Wednesday. She called me today and told me that she would meet Attawie and her Mom in Dubai this afternoon! Then I called her back and talked with Attawie. I wished if I was there with them, but I was at home watching Star Academy instead!

I've writing a post but I haven't finished it yet. It's about love at first sight. I've been thinking about writing it for sometime now but I was alway postponing it. Now that I removed the poll from the blog, I will write about this subject. But not in this post.

My aunt is on a visit to Baghdad with her four children. She lives in Karbala and can hardly come to Baghdad due to the bad roads. She is staying till Friday, so this means more family visits, more photos, more gossip, more talking about my Fulbright, and more food!

This is a quick post to ensure my existence in the online world! More later...

Morbido is turning 22 in few hours!Huh, how fast...

A Birthday Without Mom

I miss Mom so much! She's been to Dubai for eleven days now, and will come at the end of this week. I call her everyday, and sometimes I call her more than once in a day. My birthday is on next Tuesday and she is not here. This is the first time I celebrate my birthday without Mom being with me. Next year will be the same as I will probably celebrate it alone in the U.S.

She was in a movie theatre watching King Kong when my father, sister and I called her. We turned on the loudspeaker and kept shouting the four of us! Oh, there were my aunt and cousins with us, and they shouted as well! We kinda shouted at every single word she said. I first asked her where she was, and when she replied "Watching King Kong" we all shouted! I have never been to a movie theatre before, so I can't imagine it!

Then again I reminded here that she wouldn't be here for my birthday and that I need a compensation! She said "also shouting" that she got me so many things. .... Shout, shouts.. and shouts!!.. My last shout was when she told me that Attawie called her and that they would meet this week!!! Now I really wanna be there :(

Anna Karnina in on TV now and yet I'm not watching!! Why would I watch it if the electricity will be off soon?! I will only feel sad because I won't be able to watch it till the end.. But the music of the Swan Lake in the movie is calling me to go watch it!!

So, let me tell you about what I'm reading now. The first one is GRE practice book! I have one month to the exam now and I should practice alot. I really hate this Quantative or math section, but what can I do!

The other book is fiction for sure. I first picked The Scarlet Letter to read. That was at the end of the last month, during Xmas. There is an introduction and American background to the novel which I was reading first, but I found out that the novel is kinda hard and I should read some materials about it in the same time. So, I switched to another book. It was The Bluest Eye. And again, I switched to a third book!

This time I chose a non-fiction one; it's Chicken Soup for The Women's Soul. It's one of the books I got from the U.S. in that fameous package. There are about 26 books in the package. I read three so far.

I started reading this book yesterday, and I will read one story, or maybe more, each morning with or after breakfast in order to keep thinking of it the whole day. I'll write a post about it if I could. I used to read the books (mostly novels) in bed before I go to sleep at night or before I take a nap when I get back from college. But now I don't take naps cuz I don't go to college and don't feel tired to take naps and rest, and I also can't read at night in bed anymore cuz there is no electricity and no generators.

If there is electricity at night, I will use it to get online!


I'm sorry for this disordered post, I have many things to write about but my mind is going everywhere now!

Good night

Blogging on Paper!

Hello everyone,

It's been quite a long time since I last posted something here. I had a constant run of bad luck with blogging since I posted about Friday 13th!!! Isn't that scary?! I couldn't post since that time. There were many reasons for this; one reason was the internet server which used to stop working every night when I got online during the past week! Another reason was that I became a full-time housekeeper since Wednesday cuz Mom left to Dubai on her two weeks vacation. I SHOULD BE THERE WITH HER BY NOW! BUT WHAT TO DO WITH THE BAD LUCK!!! A thrid reason was that I was busy working on papers for some directions; papers of a seven-days diary for the Diary Project, and pepers for the Fulbright.

I got an email from the Fulbright lately asking to submitt another writing sample and a copy of my resume, and to update my application file acording to some points they wanted. I had a difficulty thinking of a topic to write about for the writing sample. I was afraid that if I wrote about a certain subject they would have thought that I got it from the internet or something like that! But guess what? Somebody helped me with this and gave me a clue about what to write. This somebody is an American soldier from the Green Zone whom I talked with on the phone! Don't ask me how did that happen. It just happened. Believe it or not; this is the first time I talk with an American person on the phone. I have talked with very few Americans in person before. They were actually only two times; the first time was almost two years ago during an interview with a CNN journalist in my college department. The second time was in the Fulbright interview. And it's obvious the third time was on the phone.

But there is a fourth time coming this week! It's on the radio!! I will talk on Skype with an American radio reporter this week about the higher education system in Iraq. Interesting!

Many things happened during the last week. Let's see... Yea, I went to register for the GRE Exam on Friday. It was a shock for many of the Fulbrighters to know that we would take this exam. We all hoped that if it would be canceled or anything like that, especially when most of them had just taken the TOEFL exam few days ago! But what to do, we have to take this one in order to move on with our big dream.

Meeting the Fulbrighters, or some of them, for the second time was fun. This meeting was way better than our first one at the Convention Center. It was at Babel Hotel, and it lasted for about two hours as we all sat together and filled our registration forms. And, while I was there, I saw someone.. and guess what? It was Treasure of Baghdad !! I was looking and thinking that I've seen this guy before and wondered if it could be him, but I didn't have the courage to go and ask him!

I finished the Baghdad-Diary project now, and I will post it some time soon inshalla cuz I'm so busy right now of taking care of everything at home.

I didn't check any spelling or grammar mistakes. Pardonez-moi!

Announcement !

THIS POST WILL STAY ON TOP FOR SOME TIME, SCROLL DOWN FOR THE NEW POSTS!


Hello everyone,

I decided to change the blog's title and remove my name for my safetly! Nothing bad happened to me so far, but I don't want to be known in my real name cuz some people who read the blog might get to know me and problems might occur. You know what I mean!

So, I would like to ask everyone who is linking to my blog to change the title and put "Me" instead of my name. And I would much appreciate it if no one calls me by my real name :) I will use my Blogger's nickname in the sidebar chatbox from now on.


Thanks for everyone, God bless you all.

It's Friday 13th !!

Guess what?! Today is Friday 13th!! I haven't recognized it's 13 today until some time ago when my friend Blueman sent me an SMS saying that today is the the day of the bad luck, and it showed up for him in his electricity generator which refused to work today!

I just started to think and recollect the events of today. I don't know if it's an unlucky day for me or not! Nothing special happened today, but at the same time nothing bad happened. the day passed normally, I woke up late, did nothing but watching T.V. and calling some of my friends to wish them Happy Eid. It's the fourth day of Eid today. Maybe this is a reason nothing bad happened ;)

I'm currently thinking of a story that has some bad luck which happened to me to share with you on this "occasion"!... Here's one: One day in summer few years ago, my sister and I were getting ready to go to a swimming pool with Mom, aunt and cousin. But my Mother had some important work to do at her workplace and she promised that she wouldn't be late and that she would take us to the swimming pool. My sister and I dressed up and got ready and waited for Mom to come back home and take us. We kept calling her every half an hour and asked her when would she come back. But, as time passed she had more and more work to do and it started to be late to go out! The day ended and we didn't go! .... Silly, ha?!

Another story of bad luck: I applied for a visa to Dubai but I didn't get it!

Fear of Friday the 13th is rooted in ancient, separate bad-luck associations with the number 13 and the day Friday. The two unlucky entities combine to make one super unlucky day.

FRIDAY THE 13TH - how did Friday the thirteenth become such an unlucky day?

• There is a Norse myth about 12 gods having a dinner party at Valhalla, their heaven. In walked the uninvited 13th guest, the mischievous Loki. Once there, Loki arranged for Hoder, the blind god of darkness, to shoot Balder the Beautiful, the god of joy and gladness, with a mistletoe-tipped arrow. Balder died and the Earth got dark. The whole Earth mourned.
• There is a Biblical reference to the unlucky number 13. Judas, the apostle who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th guest to the Last Supper.
• A particularly bad Friday the 13th occurred in the middle ages. On a Friday the 13th in 1306, King Philip of France arrested the revered Knights Templar and began torturing them, marking the occasion as a day of evil.
• In ancient Rome, witches reportedly gathered in groups of 12. The 13th was believed to be the devil.
• Both Friday and the number 13 were once closely associated with capital punishment. In British tradition, Friday was the conventional day for public hangings, and there were supposedly 13 steps leading up to the noose.
• Numerologists consider 12 a "complete" number. There are 12 months in a year, 12 signs of the zodiac, 12 gods of Olympus, 12 labors of Hercules, 12 tribes of Israel, and 12 apostles of Jesus. In exceeding 12 by 1, 13's association with bad luck has to do with just being a little beyond completeness.

FRIDAY THE 13TH - how is fear of the number thirteen demonstarted?

• More than 80 percent of high-rises lack a 13th floor.
• Many airports skip the 13th gate.
• Airplanes have no 13th aisle.
• Hospitals and hotels regularly have no room number 13.
• Italians omit the number 13 from their national lottery.
• Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue.
• If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck . Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names. ( I suggest that you count the letters in your full name!) ;)

Do you have a story of bad luck to share?? Please tell me one!


Morbido!

Happy Eid From Wet Baghdad!

Hello World,

It's been raining here for the last two days. The weather turned very cold, and everything is wet even the air!! I like the smell of the rain on the dusty streets alot. It reminds me of school and university. They were nice years indeed.

The things I hate when it rains is that almost everything stop working! Especially the electricity. Half the house has electricity and the other half is real dark! Well, I can say that we didn't have electricity problems with the rain this time cuz there is already NO electricity! So, one problem is solved I guess!! Other thing I hate is the sattellite, the LNB's get wet in the rain and therefore stop functioning. And another thing that happenes during the rain; the streets turn out to be real "lakes"!!

I remember in 2001 when it rained heavily for so many hours in Baghdad. I was going out from college when the rain started heavily over our heads. the driver was waiting for me, so I didn't get all wet like the other students were on the street. I got home after 15 minutes, I had my lunch and took a nap then woke up at around 6 o'clock as I can remember. And it kept raining all that time. The Iraqi T.V. reported in the news that all Baghdad was drawning in the rain in that hour! The cars stopped in the middle of the streets and couldn't move any further in the "rivers". The students and people had to go back to their homes walking. Some of my friends reached their homes after 7 o'clock while we go out of college at 2!

The rain got into my aunt's house from everywhere. My cousin didn't know what to do at that time cuz his parents were still at work. His Mom (my aunt) is a teacher in the neighborhood's school, so he could go to her and tell her the house was sinking. He cried under the rain as he was walking! Many people died in that day cuz of electrical shocks. But now no one dies in such accidents cuz there are no electrical shocks in Baghdad anymore.

So, I wish every Muslim a happy and peaceful Eid. Hope that you will enjoy your four-days holiday :)

A Salutation

Today is the Iraqi Army's Day. It was established in 1921, and is in action untill now. This army went through so many wars and sacrifised so many soldiers and officers. Some people might see that it's not important to celebrate this day anymore cuz the country is under occupasion, or some might not consider it a real one! I heard some people saying this and I don't agree at all.

There is a person who is very dear to my heart ( I won't say who he is for his and my safetly). I saluted him like a Military soldier does when he sees a high-ranked officer. I used to do this since I was very young, and I keep doing this till now and will do it every year in this day.

Now you might ask why I'm concerned about this safety issue. As you know, any person who works in the Iraqi Army or in any position related to the government or the American Army is in danger!

The Army is still in the reconstruction process since after the last war and yet is doing its best to protect the country under these bad circumstances, and there are so many men enrolling in the Army now.

A big salutaion to all the good men who are sacrificing themselves for their country. God bless them all.

2005, What Did Thou Bring and Took With you?

Hello my friends,

This is my first post in 2006. I hope that all of you enjoyed your New Year's Eve, and I hope that this new year will be a better one for everyone. May all your dreams come true :)


Now, before I start, I would like to post a gift that I got from my friend and Fulbright-mate, Ardalan, and to share it in my blog! It's a nice and lovely painting from Kurdistan.

Thank you so much, Ardalan :)







So many things took place in 2005, some were good and some others were bad. It was a year of so many achievements for me. One day in January 2005, I was surfing the net at the enternet center of the university when I thought of sending an email to the Fulbright to ask about some information about the scholarship. I sent some emails before that time but I didn't get serious replies except for this time! I have to say that I didn't put much hope on that email and I didn't thought that I would get a reply either. But after one week, I got a detailed email about the Fulbright scholarship and the application's date and many other info. That was my start!

I went to Kurdistan to register for the TOEFL test cuz there was no Test-Centers in Baghdad yet. That was my first time I go up to the north of Iraq since 1989 which I barely remember. Then I went again in March to have the test, and that was my second time I go there.

I graduated from college with 81,34% on June 2005 and became a B.A. Holder :) My name was among the first ten names in the department, and I was number six in the list. I applied for the Master degree in my college in July and had a competitve exam with other 200 students! All were fighting for the M.A. studies, but only five were accepted!! Sure, I wasn't one of those five. I got the better thing in fact ;)


Then in August, I was interviewd at the U.S. Embassy for the Fulbright Scholarship, and then nominated for it in September, and granted the scholarship in October.

Also in August, I went on a trip to Kurdistan for the third time in 2005. I stayed there for five days and had the best time ever.

I played two roles in the past year: A Student of English Literature at College of Arts for the first six months of the year. A Housekeeper for the last six months! :)

I made firendships with so many people in 2005. I made this blog in April and I have been blogging since that time. I had anothe blog before this one in December 2004, but I forgot all about it by time, then deleted it and started with this one.

I applied for two visas in the year 2005; one for the U.S. of course! and it was via the Fulbright office in Baghdad, and the other visa was to Dubai which I didn't get!

I went through three elections, survived many bad times, spent the hottest summer on earth and the darkest winter of all times! I bought and read may books. I got a package and a gift from the U.S.A. and the U.K. via mail for the first time in my life. The package was from a friend I met on the Oprah Board, and the gift was from an Iraqi friend of mine who lives in the U.K. I was so happy with this and considered it as a VEY BIG achievement! Oh yes, and I also opened a P.O.Box account of my own in the university's postal office.

Those were the major events that happened to me in 2005. Thankfully, no bad or sad personal events can be mentioned! They either didn't happen, or I forgot them!! ;)

I may add to this post if I remember something.


With Love

Christmas in The Darkness!!

New Year's Eve is tomorrow, and it seems that everyone in Baghdad and other cities in Iraq will have to spend it in the darkness! There is no electricity at all. NEVER AT ALL !! Adding to it the lack of water and the freazing weather!

How cool can that be?! Very promising !

The whole family planned for a big xmas party this year to be held in my Grandparents house. My cousins planned to sleep over in our house after the party to have some fun. One of my cousins decided to wear Santa Claus custom and to make us some games, another cousin decided to play the D.J. and he started to get the Xmas songs. But none of this will happen!

My aunt's husband's Mother died yesterday. It's not respectful to make any party while he is mourning his mother, even my cousins won't be able to do anything cuz they are sad for their late Grandmother. So, no Xmas party this year.


I don't remember that much about the begining of this year, but its end seems dreadful to me now with all those bad events! I just want to bye-bye it as soon as possible.


This is a quick post, but I have to end it now cuz the electricity is untrustable at all !!!


Good Night everyone. Enjoy your Christmas :)

Sick \ Miracleously Alive !!

Hello everyone,

I hope that people are still visiting my blog cuz I haven't updated for sometime now! I've been sick lately and couldn't check the blog or even the emails. Flu time!!

It happened three days ago. On Monday exactly. The weather got very cold in Baghdad starting from Sunday morning when I was at college. I go to college once a week to see some of my friends and to have fun. I woke up on Monday morning at 10 o'clock feeling sick. Then after an hour I decided to call Mom on her work to ask her about some pills to take, but I was shocked to hear my Mother saying to me "Hanoona, a car exploded in front of me, I'm coming back home now. Don't tell anybody!!" .. WHAT??!

I forgot all about my sickness, and kept walking back and forth inside the house waiting for my Mother to get back home. I was alone at home and I didn't call anyone to tell them about the news cuz mom told me to freak anyone out cuz she's alright. The time between home and Mom's work take about 15 minutes, but it took her more than 45 minutes this time! There was a heavy traffic jam, and the road was closed cuz of the car-bomb.

I imagined everything. I was afraid to open the door when she nocked cuz I thought that I would see her wounded like what we see on T.V.!! But thank God, she was ok. She was shaking, her voice was shaking too, and all what she said that she saw the police car burning and a man lying dead down the street.

The car-bomb was only few meters from her, but she was inside the building which saved her from the fires. She was standing near the front windows of the shop (her working place). And she said that everything was calm and normal untill suddenly she heard and sensed something unusual, something like an earthquack maybe. The door and the windows all fell down out of a sudden, and dust and smoke raised up in the air. Mom said that she was shocked and couldn't believe what happened that she stayed in her place looking at the glass falling down! My aunt and other two or three women were with Mom in the same place. They all ran to the back and started to scream and shout out of fear, they called for Mom to go to them but she said that she was scared to look back at them cuz she thought that the ceiling was falling down! She asked them if they were ok, and they said "yes", so she went back to them and stayed at the back of the shop.

The street was all showing in front of them cuz there was no door and windows anymore. Just like a movie theatre! Mom saw a police car burning in the middle of the street along with another car. The police car was the target. She thought that the other car is the car-bomd which exploded, but it wasn't. There were people inside this other car whom they burned inside! The car-bomb was on the right side of the street, and there were some other cars beside it which were all burning. There is a I.N.G. station in the same street, all the guards hurried to the "crime scene" to rescue people and to pull the cars to avoid more explosions. They could get Mom, aunt and the other women and people inside the building. They took them out to another place in the same building but far away from the fires. There police car kept burning for long time, and the bomb-car was fully loaded, so it kept firing! Mom says that the sound was horrifying and it's never like when we hear it from afar!

The policemen died inside their car, a Janitor of a school which is located right in front of the fires died, a teacher inside the school also died, and some other people were injured. The screen windows of the shops were all damaged, the street itself is damaged and is never the same again!

Mom was just few meters away from the car, and only few inches away from the windows which could have hurt her so bad! But she got out of this miracleously with no single injury. I thank God every single moment that she is still alive.


And that was another day in Baghdad !!

Merry Christmas Everyone :)

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry Christmas

And a happy New Year.

Glad tidings we bring

To you and your kin;

Glad tidings for Christmas

And a happy New Year!

Meeting The Fulbrighters

Hello everyone,

First I would like to thank all of the people who helped me and gave me their opinions about the the Fulbright Writing Sample I made. I made some changes, added more details and applied all the other suggestions. Thank you all :)

I have been fighting with the blogshpere lately. My blog disappeared suddenly, and I had to get it all back in some time! It's ok now and I hope it won't happen again although my blog disappeared for three time so far.

The good thing that happened this week was that I met the Fulbrighters for the first time since we have been granted the scholarship. The meeting was yesterday, and it was quick but awesome. We faced many difficulties getting into the Green Zone cuz the meeting was at the Convention Center. We were surprised to know that we were not allwoed to get into the Convention Center, and we had to wait outside in the bad weather.

The meeting was supposed to be at 10:30 in the morning, but all of the Fulbrighters came way earlier than this time. In Iraq, when you have an important meeting, you have to get out of home on an early time cuz you don't know what to face down the streets at any moment. The streets might be blocked or maybe you can't get to your meeting on time. So we go out early to avoid such accidents.

The Fulbrighters were from different regions from Iraq, mainly Baghdad, Basrah, Mosul and Kurdistan. Some took a hard and long trip to Baghdad for this meeting. The big surprise was
that we had to meet our principal in the Center's garden instead of the hall !!! Now the garden is an open space for everyone and everything. Iraqi, American and Georgian soldiers were passing by all time listening to our meeting. There were some gunshots and far away bombings in the Zone.

The meeting was a big disappointment for some of us. We were kinda "rebuked" cuz some of us did mistakes in their applications or something like that! Anyway, the meeting was kinda good, although it was too risky to get into the Zone! Unfortunately, I didn't have the chance to talk to all of the Fulbrighters, the time was short and we started to go one by one. The most people I was looking forward to meet were Hala and Ardalan, and again, we hardly talked together!!! I kept searching for Hala but I found her just few minutes before I go! And Ardalan didn't tell me that it was him at first, he just told me that he reads my blog so I had to figure it out by myself. And maybe we talked for less than one minute!!

I don't know what really happened that made the meeting very short and quick. I'm sure that non of the Fulbrighters wanted it to be in this way, but the place was dangerous and we were all "standing" for long time in the garden. But all in all, it was great to see them.

Blog Retrieved !

Hello my friends,
I don't know what happened in the blogsphere last night cuz I woke up this morning and saw that my blog was gone!! Nothing was showing in the page except the black bar. So I had to change the template, but my Chatting-Box is gone!!!!

Anyways, the Fulbright asked me to send them a writing sample of any topic of my choice cuz they say that it will help my placement officer. So I wrote this and want to ask about your opinion before I send it. I'm not totally convinced in it so I'll wait for sometimes and ask about opinions before I send it to the Fulbright office!

Man and Society

No man can live or survive alone in the world. A human being needs to live in communities in order to survive and fulfill his needs and goals. The social life consists of different societies, and people who live in those societies give the shape and character of a certain society. In life, a person gets to meet many people different from him and from each others. They are different because every human being has his own character, way of thinking and point of view about every aspect in life, and those views differ from one person to another. Those people help each other and fulfill the spiritual, physical and emotional need of one another. That’s why no one can live alone.

The happiness of an individual lies in his existence among special people like family, friends and loved ones. So, a person’s own society starts with those people. Life is a journey in which we do different tasks and assignments, meet many people, know many things and get through many periods of easiness and difficulty. In most of the times, a person may die without accomplishing all his dreams and goals, and without seeing every phase of life.

Family, friends, faith and love are essential majors or pillars in life. We can get through many difficulties and make our dreams come true with the help of family and friends. We can make the world a better place when we spread the love in our hearts to the whole world starting with the closest people to us. And above all, faith in God can get a person through many hard times, and it gives a person a mighty strength and peace of mind that can help build a perfect community.

A person can be creative when he lives among people. Isolation and loneliness are destructive means which destroy the human beings’ lives and wills, and prevent them from enjoying life. Loneliness causes misery and depression to people because people can’t go on with their lives if they are lonely.

People need to live in large communities and interact with each other to live and accomplish their missions in life. That’s why no one can live alone.



Do you think that I should add more?? Help !!

The Books Day!

Hello everyone,

Today I got my first book from Amazon.com. This is my first time I order something online!! And since we don't have an access to credit cards in Iraq, I had to ask someone to order the book for me. This someone is an American works in Iraq, and he used the U.S. military mail to get the book for me. But I paid for everything, I only needed the credit card.

I wasn't intending to buy anything online before. Just two weeks ago, I was searching for some materials and articles on the internet about my M.A. major, and all what I did was I typed "Modern American Novel" in the search bar. The first thing I got was a title of a book that sums up the American literary achievment from Henry James to the present time!! So, in my case, this is a must-to-read book. The books title is The Modern American Novel by Malcolm Bradbury.

I received the book today. It costed me about 16 Dollars only. :)

Then later this day, my aunt's husband came for a quick visit with a small and unexpected gift for me! There were three books for me!!! The first book is the Holly Quran with English-language explanation. The second book is The Ideal Muslimah, The True Islamic Personality of The Muslim Woman. The third book is rather a booklet, A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam.

Now I don't know how many books I have, but I don't mind having more!! It's good to smell them sometimes. I'm about to finish To Kill a Mockingbird, there are only three chapters left for me to read. I wonder if Boo Radley will ever show up!!

I thought the peaceful dream will last for a longer time now, but the bombings and explosions are back in town again!! Many explosions took place in Baghdad today. Dad sawa bombed car been dragged from "the crime scene" when he was on his way back home from work. He said it exploded on a police station. God knows what might happen tomorrow!


Till we meet again, much love and peace for everyone...

This is my finger with ink!